In what may be a first (according to Google and common sense), I present a sketch of Terraria guro. Pirate Crossbowers are female and it's kind of hilarious that you can get actual Uzis for your character to oppose that.

Oh, obligatory story time.

He had taking a stroll in his tin armor - he'd always found the shoddily constructed breastplate to be far more comfortable than anything he'd collected since. Anyway, it was broad daylight, and he'd walked this path a hundred times before - what could happen?

A boatload of pirates had not been one of the possibilities, but one had crunched up onto his beach. Fellow humans were always a happy sight- but when they had started yelling, waving around swords, and shooting bolts at him, he took out his Uzi.

Turns out the pirate with a crossbow was a female, and a decently attractive one at that. Oh well, he thought, as he unbuttoned his pants, maybe next time he could take one alive. If there was a next time, of course. For now, he had needs to meet that the Nurse still refused to provide...

The dreams and loves of the dead young pirate never crossed his mind, nor how she had ended up so far from her home and where she had come from. He was rather busy.