I have like a thousand "I'm going to write this" vows that have turned into "I SWEAR I WILL GET TO IT"

and I'm only beholden to myself. How can I stress myself out like this? I'm not even getting paid for these stories (that people hate)

Also I'm wondering what the ultimate ends of my fetishism is. Like if we can all get time travel and have tortured raped robots that resemble real living humans in everyday but definitely aren't feeling pain but just react exactly like a real human would... At what point do I grow jaded? Like can a human handle near-godhood?