Hello, friends. This is going to be a serious thread. I'm a 25-year-old man, and I've been into guro since like 13. I have no idea how it started. I grown up in a healthy full family and never had been bullied or abused in any way. I remember watching horror movies as a kid, and I was always interested in gory scenes, even though I hadn't even hit puberty at that time. So I don't really think that the internet is the main cause. More like there has been something wrong with my head from the very beginning. Needless to say, I don't hate women in reality or have ever caused any violence against anyone.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how guro might have affected my mental state and social life. I always was a quite kid and struggled to make a connection, even though I had friends and never been an outcast. I look reasonably good, have a good education and respectable career, there is nothing that makes me look like the weirdo I really am. I had derealization attacks when I was younger and have struggled with loneliness and depression most of my conscious life.
Now I have a girlfriend (23 y.o.) and this is my first serious relationship. Many things changed in my life, and everything is fine, but I always feel like my dirty hobby might be somehow revealed, and it is literally my worst nightmare. It hangs like a sword of Damocles. Especially considering that she sees even hentai as a complete perversion. I shouldn't complain since I've been always looking for a more traditional partner, better than a dumb woke whore. But I digress. Of course, I have never told anyone about my fetish. Never. This kind of thing is more than unacceptable, even in the most "progressive" cultures out there. And this is serious, if you think about it. We are all hiding something that can instantly ruin our lives and reputations forever. Or even lead to a legal prosecution depending on where you live. Doesn't it make us all feel defective, nefarious, and sick? For many years, there has been a hidden fear of being disclosed that poisons our brains. Being accepted by a partner is one thing, but you will never be universally accepted. And honestly, I don't want to be accepted. If my gf told me that she is into male guro, I would be cautious and concerned even despite my own background so I completely understand how it looks like from the side. I believe that there is no such thing as "healthy sexuality", however this kind of passion is too far from being normal in any sense. When I lived in solitude, I didn't think about it much and didn't have a self-hatred problem, but seeing myself beating my meat to some 2d anime girls being murdered by some poorly drawn faceless dudes is just fucking miserable.
  I'm considering quitting guro now and finally end it all, but I'm not so sure that this is even possible. Don't see my post as a hatred towards guro community, I've been a part of it for many years and it feels like leaving home.
There are ethical complications as well. What do you think about guro being oppressed here and there lately? Pixiv bans, for example. Of course, I was annoyed at first, but is there more than that? I don't think that companies care about ethics, obviously, it is damage control. But doesn't guro (hentai and pornography as well) is generally harmful to your mental state? I don't think that bans and censorship are justified since it violates internet freedoms we all had a taste of in 2000x–10x, but we must admit that even though most of us are reasonable people who are not going to kill anyone, there are for sure people who might be permanently fucked up by this stuff and become dangerous. And it's not like one in a million chance, much much more. Wouldn't it be better for us if we had never gotten involved? Wouldn't it even be possible if there hadn't been gurochan, pixiv, etc. from the very beginning? You get the point. Anyway, what do you think about these problems, and have you experienced any of such worries like me? Sorry for possible mistakes, not my primary language. Thanks