This post is a little airing of the heart in a way that i could never anywhere else. If you want to talk about it in private, my protonmail is available.

I've had this kink for years, and slivers of it even when i was very young in my dreams and daydreams, before I even watched movies. I never understood why. Why do I dream and fantasize of destroying pretty women and girls in the most gruesome and horrible way possible, why does it turn me on?

I'm a very loving person, i have s deep love and respect for women, i absolutely adore girls. I want them to be happy and enjoy life. Yet when I'm horny, all I can think about is their death for my pleasure? The destruction of the most beautiful and delicate beings in the universe.

I have no trauma, not even from my youth. I grew up in a nice safe family in an nice safe environment. I have never felt the urge to actually do any of my urges for real and cannot ever see myself loose control of that. I'm a very normal decently attractive young guy, who wants normal things like a family, a per, a house, a car… I want to marry an amazing woman who i love and keep safe with the deepest part of my soul. I just want to love and be loved.

Yet, there is this thing… Why is it there?