Guys, this is a serious thread posted by someone who may already be dead by now for all we know.
@OP
Don't be discouraged by the thread dissolving into jokes and criticism.
My offer stands. When a decision can't be taken back, (such as suicide,) at least talking about it first can't hurt. I'm sure you're capable of arranging something, though probably not through this site. Just don't waste your life (or waste your death) without considering all options.