>>3713
I had something different in mind:
You cant have opposite primary desires. It is just logically impossible. However, that contradiction can be consequence of some other desires.
According to what you say here your real desire is either to hurt yourself because of some masochism and it does not matter in what way. Or maybe like me, you want revenge for your suffering and then it also does not matter how you do that. Or maybe there is another reason and this is what matters most.