After analyzing myself and my fantasies I've come to the conclusion that I like these fantasies because they are related to power. More specifically, the ultimate power (from my pov) to hold someones life in your hands. I'm turned on by the idea of having the possibility to shoot a girl while having sex or behead her. I'm kinda in between peril and guro with my fantasies (Image sets with before and after are my favorites). With the exception from bellow, I really feel nothing negative stemming from my fantasies as long as I know it's unreal.

The interesting part is that these fantasies only work for me as long as the characters involved have no emotional value to me (for example a few girls that I know irl or some female character from a game I like, like Ciri). Although I feel empathy for other humans, I still want to be able to apply my scenarios irl or in a realistic enough medium. When it comes to real persons that I don't personally know or feel any connection towards, I am conflicted between my desires and morality / empathy.

Intellectually I believe the world is absurd and such concepts as morality or empathy are mere human constructs, but I am human and therefore am emotionally driven and probably wouldn't go through with my fantasies.

My only solution to this conflicting existence is to find a way to fully satisfy my sexual drives in a way that doesn't harm anyone, in a simulation. Again, although I know life is meaningless and existence is absurd, emotionally I am afraid of not existing, I am imbued with the blind will to live, which is my deepest value. My life would needlessly be endangered by applying my fetishes irl. So when it comes to real people, although I feel the need to kill some bimbos to satisfy my sexual urges, I won't do it because I'm blocked emotionally (empathy) and by reason(my blind will to live and have a normal life, as free as this universe allows me to).

I can't know how much this helps, or if it helps you at all, but I've felt like pouring out some thoughts and analysis I've done on myself.