Self hate is not related to punishment, because if makes no sense to punish someone for failing to win competition or for being to short or ugly
so you hate yourself for not being whom you want to be.

and then your desire to hurt other people may be because you either want to boost self esteem that way , or because you want to punish them for forcing you to be whom you don't want to be. or because of attention whoring when you want other people to fell just like you feel yourself (this is what self hammers also do).
Even if people hurt themselves in that situation they are not actually torturing themselves but some piece of themselves like some guy may torture his dick but not himself.


Considering your desire, yes if you feel unworthy you just don't know how else you an be useful to that female and why else she could provide attention to you. It not just negative attention but if woman is making great effort to torture you then she must have strong feelings for you and you are in control of those feelings.