>>4127
I'm very curious why do you exempt self hatred as a reason for punishment? you are right, it doesn't make sense to punish oneself for failure, but it happens. for example, some families in their twisted means of motivating a child may punish him/her for being or doing bad, I'm assuming this is one case of many where punishment is a learned response to not being good enough.

as for the desire to hurt others, I shamefully admit that on days when I feel bad about myself I do get off of videos of people, again mainly attractive women, getting humiliated,hurt, tortured and even killed. it does provide me with a temporary boost of self esteem and sense of of sexual pleasure that is followed with a lot of shame and guilt afterwards.

I'm not sure if it's better or worse, but the idea of being hurt by someone doesn't invoke guilt as much as the thought of me torturing another.

do think it's possible that both the desire to inflect pain onto oneself or others stems from the same source, self hatred. but the main difference is do we blame ourselves or others for our unhappiness?