Hard to say, I was always excited and fascinated by the dark, and horrors never scared me as a child. Rather than a specific origin, it's a gradual evolution.

As a slightly older child I had fantasies about being kidnapped by aliens and having painful humiliating experiments done to me.

Then the internet came and pretty much right away I was browsing it looking for all the taboo content that you can imagine, torture, scat, etc. and I was still underage at that time.

And after that came the manga, the world of creative guro manga artists, freakshow on one hand, manga torture porn on the other. At the same I was fascinated by horror games and other things.

But I'm a mixed deal, i also always loved things like sailormoon and I love all the happy anime where love and friendship always wins. I really like when the happy aspects are mixed with some dark crazy shit, but stuff like that is pretty rare.

Somewhere along the way I also started experimenting with BDSM on myself and reading about it, and learned that I love some forms of pain.

Meanwhile my sexual love of torture porn transformed into creative activity and later also roleplaying various really crazy things. Roleplaying got me more into the dominant sadistic side of things, because there's so many subs, I got into domming them and I enjoy that a lot now. The excitement that comes from making someone's feelings and emotions run wild.

Gore is a mixed deal, for example I love gore in things like Mortal Combat, and I like some artistic gore, but I never liked movies like Saw, they feel crude and dry to me, and for the lack of a better word, soulless.