Ah hello.

So it's the age old question "What made me into a freak?"

I'm pretty into psychology and so have a basic idea of where my fetishes originated.

My back hurts so I'm going to (graciously) give you all the tl;dr version.

Was abused as a child for fifteen years. Mostly gaslighting, neglect, and csa. Due to this, I still struggle with severe issues, namely mental problems such as NPD and unresolved rage.

NPD is the contrary combination of "feel like I'm the worst so I always act like I'm the best" (thanks, Marina!) so it can be quite clear how these feelings of worthlessness, rage, distrust, misanthropy, and false arrogance could develop into many guro related fetishes, namely ones that involve sadomasochism and degradation/pain.

Also, like the OP, I do occasionally feel empathy for characters in noncon situations especially if the situation is too realistic, hits too close to home, or actually fucking happened (see: Schoolgirl In Concrete). Girl's Hell, for example, fucked me up so bad that I deleted all the pages I'd collected from it.

But tbh it doesn't bother me enough to stop. c: