OP the fact that youre having such a moral dilemma points to you being a good, kind person i believe. i dont think bad people worry over whether theyre a bad person or not.

its strange, i dont have any bad feelings about guro... i dont feel gross for liking it, and i dont feel like i'm venting anger, or like i'm punishing myself or feeding something narcissistic or unhealthy, or anything like that. i think when i first started getting into it, it made me feel sick. but now ive seen so much that it doesnt affect my mood. only real suffering makes me feel sick now. i do not want real people to suffer (unless it's like a consensual BDSM thing).

i'd say the feeling i get when i see guro is like a fluttery, love feeling? i'm super bloodthirsty but i also like feeling pity, empathy, etc and like i want to take care of the person thats getting these horrible things forced on them. i want to be the one that breaks you apart but also pieces you back together (though i'll happily settle for just breaking you apart). it feels really really good. i'd go so far as to say it's blissful or heavenly. i love guro almost more than anything else. it doesnt feel wrong at all.
i wrote a rape/torture fanfiction that got surprisingly popular and it has lots of comments saying how i "triggered" someone or made them cry, throw up, shake, or in one case even feel so sick that they didnt go into work the next day. those comments seem so silly to me. no one real is getting hurt so i dont see a reason to get so upset. i'm glad that it also has lots of comments saying that they loved it and my writing is good, or i might have started feeling guilty or some self-hatred about it like some other people here. i'm not the most mentally healthy person but i'm definitely not a bad person, and i dont think that guro contributes to my depression, anxiety, bpd, etc. if anything it helps because it's a stress reliever.

reading about these different experiences with our shared interest is really fascinating. i hope the OP and everyone who relates to them can make peace with themselves.