Oh yeah, the 'victim' has to be unwilling. I wouldn't like killing someone who was indifferent or enjoyed it. The more struggle and resistance, the better - you nailed that one Onix.

My life is stressful now yes, but even as a very young child I used fantasies of dying to relax or get to sleep. I always knew it was weird. Note: I had a normal childhood with 0 abuse or trauma, with a loving, healthy family.

Yeah it's not exactly guro, but I enjoy some guro (go on any of the male boards and you'll see my tastes). It's less about visual appreciation than inserting myself into a scene though. I have particular taste though - I dislike dismemberment and excessive mutilation, but I like asphyxia, most things involving knives, and vivisection.