There's no need to feel guilty. It's perfectly natural to have an infatuation with violence. As long as mankind is tethered to id, our desire to inflict harm and cause destruction shall never abandon us. In some people, these feelings are more suppressed, buried beneath the doctrines of modern society, but it's undeniable that everyone, at some point in their life, has felt a tinge of bloodlust.

An ethical and generous man living in an unforgiving past would've found himself dead in a rather short amount of time. These compulsions you experience are a gateway to the ruthlessness that your ancestors possessed, which kept them alive in the worst of situations. If you ever require that power, you'll be able to harness it with much more ease than someone who's lied to himself about his true nature.