Thanks for all the long well spoken replies, the thing that really keeps me down though is the rape related thoughts, alot of which are about people I know in real life. If I just got off to the blood and gore of it and not the extreme pain, crying and torture aspect of it, I'd think I would feel much better about myself. There is no dignity in raping a girl, and definitely not an underage one. So many people in my life have hammered that into me growing up and just don't know what to do. I've had people open up to me about screwed up things like this happening to them, I've seen some of the emotional and mental damage it can cause. My mom has went through fucked up things like this as a child, amd she's a mental train wreck. The point is everytime I hear these stories or problems people have I think, is that going to be me in 10 years? Am I going to be the fucked up stepdad raping kids? Because it sure feels like it, and let me say, it's not a good feeling....