I actually found a much older Victim POV thread buried in Requests today, which I strongly recommend you check out. There's a Poser video where a girl(you) chocks herself out with a noose, with an implied orgasm along the way. It's impressively made with solid animation and remarkable little details - I love the way "my" nipples harden and slowly redden. My own body does that, and with my pale skin it really stands out. :)

As for me, I'm still exploring and discovering myself. At 21 I suppose I'm still pretty inexperienced with sex at all, let alone fetishes and paraphilias. But I'm enjoying exploring and feel comfortable with what I've found. If anything I feel more secure and relaxed about my sexuality, and less worried about enjoying sex the way I do.

At core I love BDSM. Restraint, a sense of helplessness that can either lead to almost anything. And I did actually try that once, being tied to a bed with fluffy cuffs and slowly, gently eaten out... helpless... totally blissed-out... gazing my partner's eyes as I sink into orgasm... *sigh* That's my #1 turn-on. Pity it's hard to arrange stuff like that, just finding them time is hard, let alone find a partner you can trust to absolutely lose yourself with.

I found Guro by complete accident while looking up asphyxia on Gelbooru. I found an image of a girl laying back in a man's arms, a garrot around her neck and pee flooding from her pussy. Which was red and practically glowing with arousal. Cue massive heart-thump and nervous tingles. I didn't know what to feel at first, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. I moved on and found something more vanilla, but as I started to touch myself I remember imagining a line across my throat, choking me, as pee trickled down my legs...

At first I was more than a little terrified, but after a few weeks my curiosity took over. I'm pathologically curious with an over-active brain - I dearly want to know EVERYTHING. So one night I did a little searching, and started learning about this stuff. I didn't really understand why I found that image arousing, so at first I just wanted to understand what was "wrong" with me.

I tried a lot of stuff. "Traditional" Guro seemed to revolve around sadism, the first images I found were of girls being shot, stabbed, blown up and tortured. And honestly, images like that make me want to vomit. Or cry. I have a very powerful reaction to them, a need to protect or comfort the victim. I can't understate it - they really effect me in an extreme negative way.

And then as a couple of months past I started to understand myself better. At core I think it's still BDSM. All of my fantasies revolve around me being the victim, usually in a scenario that at least begins with my consent. Most involve some kind of restrain or helplessness, and involve my partner pleasuring me, fucking me or forcing me to orgasm as they watch.

Most of my violent fantasies revolve around me losing control of a BDSM situation; my partner choking me out and gazing into my fading eyes as I die. Or taking breath-play to an extreme and dying in the midst of a supernova orgasm. Necro also has appeal - my partner continuing to play with me after I flatline.

Losing control of my body also really gets me. The thought of my pussy softening as I die, warm wetness trickling down my legs or cum dripping from my relaxing pussy was a major draw from the beginning, and I think it's part of why THAT image got me so strongly. Doubly so after my squirting experience last night, letting go really does feel AMAZING. Although jury's out whether it's pee or pussy juice.(I lean towards juice, didn't feel or smell like pee)

Asphyxia is definitely my #1 thing, and I may try light breath-play once I learn how to do it safely. Drowning comes a close second, for similar reasons. I may also try knifeplay images at some point; I love having my belly caressed or kissed, love having my rather sensitive navel teased. And it's probably my best asset. So watching somebody slice it open might be a major kick I'm yet to discover, I certainly feel that now-familiar cold shiver thinking about it.

As it stands, I feel fully comfortable with my fantasies and fetishes. I know I don't feel any desire to hurt others, or myself. Ultimately I'm a BDSM girl who sometimes fantasizes about her partner going a bit too far. Oddly enough it's made me consider whether a career in medicine would be an appropriate or safe choice. That powerful caring instinct hasn't gone away, and my fascination with medicine and biology is completely cerebral and nonsexual.