>>6485
I will definitely have to check that out when I get better internet reception.
I found my guro love as a teenager. I didn't know what it was called at the time but I've always identified with the victim. For me it was originally disembowelment and impalement. I didn't fall in love with strangulation of any kind until years later. I'm 28 now. I've found a safe partner in current wife, but after almost killing me that one time... She's nervous to put anything around my neck. With good reason too. So, I'm left to my own devices on that and she doesn't mind. We're open. She knows I come to this site etc.
I had a girlfriend that would have been a good BDSM partner buuut she seemed more interested in my wife. My wife wasn't into her though so, that ended. I'm left to my art and my imagination. But at least I don't have to hide it from her. It gives me freedom to explore.
I'm mostly sub myself though I haven't had much experience being dom enough to say I wouldn't enjoy it. I like extreme though. Soft sex, vanilla sex... It just doesn't do it for me. Honestly it never has. I don't know why I am the way I am but honestly, I've never cared much for the why.

I'm particularly turned on by the death part of the fantasy. Maybe I'm just an extreme escapist. I love the thought of being killed and dying while having sex. I imagine my body being violated after death. Like...the best send-off ever.
Thinking about my partner's hands around my neck, squeezing the life from me slowly... I think I see the death that comes from it as the ultimate orgasm... The ultimate release. Maybe that's why we like this? Because death is a release, and what bigger release than that?
There has to be some fight though, some struggle against the impending doom. The great adds adrenaline which heightens everything. The thought of my chest heaving as my body tries desperately to live.
In my imagination, my body giving out causes the ultimate orgasm as it shudders into stillness. Then I think of my partner still loving my body afterwards, touching me and continuing to make love even after the light is gone from my eyes. Even the thought of being kissed after death feels good. It makes me crazy every time.
I didn't care much for the peeing part until recently, but it being part of the process, I've found I prefer it in the art and in the writing.
At my house I have this awesome iron bedframe with four posts. The headboard is iron too with crosshatching bars. I can tie myself to it. It wasn't that expensive either. It's funny how having the right kind of bed makes all the difference in the world.
When I get tired of my noose I have my belt. When I'm nervous about both I have this thick black collar.
I wish I could explore more. But like you said, it's hard finding the right partner. :/