I sometimes feel jealous watching BDSM videos, there are plenty of things always I've wanted to try but finding a partner I could actually share them with sometimes feels impossible. Things like being tied up and forced to cum - actually finding a partner who you'd trust to do to you that isn't easy.

With my guro fantasies it's a little different. My bondage side is always there, that's a concrete and constant part of my sexuality. Every time I start to feel warm, every time I let my imagination and my hand drift, there's always some element of that.

But my guro fantasies come and go. I'll have a night where I fantasize about getting choked or drowning or having my throat cut, but as my orgasm fades so does that fantasy. And it's often days or weeks or even months before I feel it again.

And that's all they are, fantasy. Something I think about as I touch myself off, and which vanish like fog after. I would never want to try them IRL, even the more violent forms of BDSM.

I've never had an issue dividing fantasy from reality. As somebody who's been writing since childhood, I have a close familiarity with and tight control over my own imagination. I know where the limits are.