Felt guilt for what I've done, never felt it for what I am or what is inside of me.

And what's wrong with being a bad person? Nobody cares. Truth is you can be a monster, but if you are funny, nice, you smile and let them talk, people will love you.
I mean it's important to be good (don't ask me why, i can't quite figure it out myself, in my case maybe it's because of guilt, or just projection of guilt which I'm supposed to feel, maybe what Onix have said with that bigoted judgemental tone, or maybe I grew up, I don't want to deal with the consequences, I feel I'm better than this or whatever stupid reason) but there is no shame in being horrible. All people are anyway. This whole universe, where you need to kill to sustain yourself, is.

OP is a good guy in my book. His (ours?) desirs are bad, but his moral code is just fine. On the other hand shitstain priest who tweeted recently that good old inquisition times should come back (to save his flock from LGBT'n'shit) is a subhuman whom I would gladly burn alive (irony!). His goal is noble (saving someone from something), but he would like to achieve that with fire and violence. End justify the means only if it's Dyson Sphere technology, some sort of immortality or some shit like that.

Also OP could engage in role-play with gf. Unless he already raped few children and awaits trial in jail. It's f necroposting after all.