i was beaten and psychically abused as a kid, until about 12/13 years old. besides beating with a belt, ruler or bare hand, with the bonus of often having to wait for the "execution", i also remember having to sleep with my hands tied behind my back. i was brought up by my grandparents, and they probably thought it's the right thing to do, because they were brought up this way. or because they were fucked up in their heads having experienced the war. or maybe because i was a terrible child in pre-school, beating other kids and stealing stuff. whatever the reason was, i'm not sure to what extent that contributed to development of my fetish, or would i be worse had i not been subject to such strict upbringing. i recall finding scenes of violence with sexual tension arousing very early on, pretty much at the same time i started having any sexual feelings at all. and back then there was no internet- but films, tv and European comic books supplied enough material for a young mind to get properly rotten. i don't know the exact moment, but remember that scene from Temple of Doom where it looks like they're going to rip Kate Capshaw's heart from between her tits? although she was not my type. but Claudia Cardinale in Cartouche definitely was, and had a beautiful death scene… it went downhill from there.