Pour a thing line kerosene over a circle of twigs, packed firmly but loosely together, with a wide area in the middle (enough for you and one other person to not inhale the smoke when standing or sitting).

Step inside the circle after getting naked, then wear a straitjacket and light the circle.

Speak as follows:
"Admin of Gurochan, I have been warned, what is dead will not die! Grant me an audience, herald of grotesque art!"

Or just post an e-mail or something that works too.