I now view this fetish (and any sort of porn) as very destructive to myself. It is a drug unlike any other (I haven't tried anything besides alcohol though). The inner tragedy is that no amount of rationality has made me stop thus far. I've made it 5-6 days without nutting, but I always find myself edging and then find an excuse to let it go. Unless I can redirect my sexual energy towards other creative endeavors - I am unlikely to become anyone of note… doomed to the life of a cattle that works for some corporation for some decades until it gets cancer or any other disease then gives all the savings for healthcare.

It is destructive because it creates incredible complacency in myself - I don't feel motivated to acquire real power, wealth and success because one of the greatest drivers of a man - the sex drive - is not doing anything for me. My mind is tricked into believing I have sex with a lot of women and that I'm so bored with them I even kill them for more excitement and feelings of power. I have created a false model that reduces woman sexuality to that of a snuff doll.

I've looked into sexual transmutation and nofap - it all makes sense… All great people practiced 'nofap' (Steve Jobs, Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, Isaac Newton, even Kanye West, heck - even occult practitioners advocate for it - see Manly P. Hall etc. see below )

All of this and here I am… fantasizing about chopping Kayden Kross with a katana - afro samurai style - after fucking her for days on end. Or blasting Elsa Jean's pretty head with a shotgun after having beaten her to a pulp.

*sigh* I need to rewire my mind to find the satisfaction of the lust for power in the real world and maybe not in a way that harms other people.

There's a LOT of videos and articles on the benefits of keepin your seed for yourself and not fapping like a dumb monkey that can't control it's sex drive.
hxxps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWEhZ61WJiQ
hxxps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIviJ3cFiok
hxxps://bestofnofap.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-list-of-greats-nofap-celibacy.html