have been thinking of experimenting with drugs for a while now, which is probably not the greatest ideas considering my history with mental health, but it would also fulfill a lot of subconscious desires. so… as of now, psychotic episodes. i've had vivid hallucinations of shadowed figures appearing in imaginary doorways, things creeping along walls, and incoherent whisperings. it's genuinely terrifying… you can't escape it, and you can feel the sense of dread and fear overwhelm you. it's destabilizing, and it's been contributing to my steady decline..