I wonder what is the definition of soulmate?
But in my opinion it is a kind of relationship where any kind of fear is completely absent so you can be yourself instead of pretending to be someone else.
I like to give All Bundy family from married with children as an example of a pretty much ideal family.
School Days VN also fits here as a good example of the choice between soulmate and girlfriend


Mutual abuse/fighting is not really that bad and may be even desirable to some extent as a feedback mechanism to regulate the relationship and establish your positions.
If you are so upset about abuse it means you are in fear or else you should just retaliate back and put the abuser in its place. but when you are with someone whom you do not trust enough you allow them to abuse you because you are scared that they will leave you.
In that aspect, I even consider light abuse as an indicator that this relationship may have some potential.

maybe women somehow intuitively know that on a genetic level, considering the fact that they like bad boys. (but it also works on men too)