>just like incest or impact or cnc (which i feel is more or less normalized currently)

that’s some real shit. like, those just feel like “normal” fetishes to me at this point. i’d love to roleplay as siblings or do fake rape, ageplay, kidnapping scenarios, etc. but then i see how shocking those kinks already are to the average person, and i promptly lose any hope of ever indulging the darker side of things.

like you, i do get hit on now and then, so i know i’m not utterly hideous. but i can’t be bothered to pursue anything because i feel that, ultimately, i’m either going to repulse them into leaving, or i’m going to spend the whole relationship pretending to be something that i’m not. and being dominant adds a whole other dimension of anxiety to it, because i feel like it’s a lot more risky to tell someone that you fantasize about cutting them, strangling them, drinking their blood, etc. as opposed to telling them that you fantasize about having those sorts of things done to you. i don’t know. i’m also just venting, i guess.

and as an additional side note: i have self-harm wounds for kink reasons too! anyone who sees them pretty much assumes they’re from depression, lmao. if only they knew.