>>25018

I don't want to turn this into a therapy board, but fuck achy... some of the things you said were really familiar to me. Just being tired of life and the way it just keeps going on and on, completely exhausting, "I don't want a next chapter anymore I just went to be done". I hope you don't end things, and there's loads of reasons I want to say but though I mean them all truly they just sound like platitudes and I remember hearing things like "things can and usually do get better" or "you deserve to be able to be happy and feel good things and you can't do that if you're dead" or "no matter how alone or uncared for you feel, your death would ruin someone else's life, would put a lot of extra sadness into the world onto other people". But I never found any of that stuff helpful or meaningful when I was in a low spot, as I was off and on every few months for like 15 years. I guess I didn't believe people when they said those things to me, I knew they weren't being honest, or maybe they were being honest but they just didn't know they were wrong. So I'm not sure what I could say to properly get across to you what I mean, to get you to consider that maybe the way you feel rn doesn't have to be the way you feel forever, or that other people do genuinely care. Not everyone obviously but some people.

Stick around long enough to get your surgery and to be able to wake up in the morning with your own real body as your mind knows it shouldve been all along. Then find the next thing you want to stick around for, and work toward that. Go back to working with kids, but don't think of it as "finding your calling" like it's the one thing you were meant to do, don't put it up on a pedestal like it's The Thing that'll make life finally make sense, there is no One Thing that does that. Life isn't a puzzle with some solution to be figured out, it's a perpetual stew that keeps getting added to with every thing you've ever done. Sometimes it's intolerably shit and others it's pretty good, so add the ingredients you like and that give you a sense of purpose, it'll eventually get better.

You'll spend eternity being dead, no harm in letting it wait a few more decades before you get there. There's no rush

And "that ship has sailed" is such a cop out, so fatalistic, like you know what the future has in store for you. So many men seem to be the fucking worst I agree, no offence to all the guys on here, but the world is so fucking huge, there's definitely one or two real people out there