I'm >>25537

>>25538
>>25540
>>25541
I undertook months of therapy with a psychotherapist. He was almost a caricature. No help at all. I was paying simply to speak about things I already knew, honestly. I eventually moved on to doing extremely serious therapy. So serious that it took me weeks even to decide to email an organisation. After doing months of very difficult work, I missed a single session because I had a job interview of all things. I couldn't give a week's notice and then wouldn't pay for a service not rendered. Despite the serious harm that could come to myself and others, the therapeutic relationship was coldly ended. During the last session, I took a tiny sip of water. Why? I got so anxious that I could barely speak, since the therapist was constantly contradicting herself and ignoring my plea to understand how to change my behaviour. She said it was pointless to dig deep into my past and intellectualise, but she also said that something like CBT would be a surface-level distraction and wouldn't get at the root causes of my problems. She would tell me hollow things like, "Just bring everything to the table." I took one sip of water and this only made things worse. Apparently I was breaking rules. I wasn't allowed to even have such a basic necessity as water because... it might be alcohol. How fucking insulting is that?

I fucking despise therapists with every fibre of my being. I am shut out from help. And I need help.

After months of deliberation, I wrote a long and heartfelt email to the organisation. They said my problems were too severe to be helped.

I'm at the end of my tether.

Worst of all, no matter what I say or do, anyone reading this will just think that I'm the one at fault. It's like being trapped in a nightmare. No matter how much I explain the situation, no matter how much nuance I bring, it will always somehow be my fault.