>Just venting.

New to this discussion, I'll try to add some helpful things from my own experience.
This is supposed to be a general collection of thoughts and observations for anyone having problems,
because discussions looking for answers appear from time to time on /dis.

In my opinion that makes a lot of sense, because here you can meet people willing to think outside the
box and face rather strange and extreme thoughts from a supposed "normal" or mainstream point of view.

Maybe in the end there will even be a bit of slightly helpful information in there for this specific topic.
I do hope so.

Been fighting powerful depression, anxiety and more in a broken body for many years, completely alone with no mentionable
outside help, done the whole psycho-circus, but no drugs. Developed my own strategy over time.

Now, depression, sickness, being alone and so on doesn't have to fit your bill.
Emotional troubles of most kind have some similarities most of the time, meaning that the way to
attack those also have at least some similarities.

You are not alone. This is a dumb platitude. Or is it? If you take that statement to mean that
other people have similar problems maybe even the same, given the amount of people on the planet,
it is probably not wrong. Doesn't help either, because other people having problems doesn't
lighten your own load. What can be a bit of help is the fact that more than one person is trying to
find a solution for the same kind of problem. Don't expect a one stop solution for whatever troubles you,
actually don't expect a solution at all. But going over as many different approaches other people have tried
to fix their own issues, you can expect to find bits and pieces that may be helpful to you. Like a puzzle.
Several little things that make it just a tiny bit better can together have an impact.

----------
Psychology:
Yes, a lot of Psychologists are total Quacks. You can make a lot of money by talking bullshit an slinging
snake-oil. On the other hand, many do get into that profession to try and solve their own crippling issues and have the
honest wish to help others. Still doesn't mean their good at it. Same goes for the whole profession itself.
A few have good ideas and intentions and want to help others, many just want to make money and shut other people up
or control them and so on.

Even if there are some really good therapists out there, that would actually be able to help you with your very
specific set of issues, your chances of finding the right one and getting to that person are extremely slim to none.
Trying out the wrong one and getting chewed and spit out by that industry is very frustrating.
Most or at least many people have had to suffer that experience. Still worth a try on the off chance that it does help a bit.
As long as you're going in expecting nothing. If you get a bit of help in the process, that's a big win, if not fuck 'em.
That is not on you! You're not supposed to conform to their ideas, it is their responsibility to understand, serve and help you.
Many aren't able to do that or are already so twisted by the system, bureaucracy and frustrating experiences that they just gave
up or forgot why they got into that profession in the first place. This may sound like rambling, but if you keep in mind,
that the person you ended up with can very well be just another weak flawed and fucked up human being that is in way over its head,
that can help you get less angry and frustrated.

----------
Drugs:
Yes, those can help some people sometimes. Some of them even a lot.
It can also make a doctor and a whole industry immensely rich, why that stuff is handed out like candy, damn the consequences.
If you're in a situation, where drugs are an option, think long and hard if you really want to take that stuff.
Read as much as you can about what you're supposed to take and use your common sense. That stuff has side-effects like crazy.
You do not want those. This is always about weighing the pros and cons.
Rule of thumb:
The more debilitating your either physical or mental issues are, the more likely it is that drugs can help and are worth the risk.
If you are suffering from heartbreak, sadness, anger and so on, you don't want drugs.
If on the other hand you're in constant crippling pain for a long time, can't control or move your body or
you are hearing voices, seeing strange things, have been sitting motionless for weeks just crying or began hurting yourself in a
bad way or even mutilating yourself, that is the time to consider taking medication.
A different animal are "recreational" drugs like pot. Again, read up on it, weigh the risks, do some experiments at your own peril.
It may help you and improve your life. May also send you down another rabbit hole you can't crawl out of.

----------
To the topic at hand:
>Nobody in this forum is gping to help you

I disagree. As explained above, professional help can only be helpful to just a lucky few and is more often than not everything but
professional. Try it, but don't count on it. Suggesting that someone in need of help just needs to go to a pro and even can get help there
is ignoring the facts. It is possible, yes. But rather unlikely. This statement is just how society deals with unwanted problems.
I can't help you, go to the pro. What happens there is not my problem and if you don't get help there it's probably your own fault.
It is not. I do understand, that a suggestion like this often comes from wanting to help, but feeling helpless, thus referring to those
who should know better. This is pretty good advice if you need surgery, your car fixed or electric wiring repaired, but far less so
regarding emotional issues. And the problem is, that it puts even more pressure on those seeking help, suggesting that there is an easy fix.
There is not.

>Why does everything have to be my fault?
>Why is it always me?
>Worst of all, no matter what I say or do, anyone reading this will just think that I'm the one at fault. It's like being trapped in a nightmare. No matter how much I explain the situation, no matter how much nuance I bring, it will always somehow be my fault.

That is not the case. Even without knowing you or more about the circumstances, I can tell you that most definitely not
everything is your fault. Why? Because it never is. Communication between human beings is a most flawed and complicated thing.
It involves several layers. Language, choice of phrases, emotional reactions, body-language, looks, actions and so forth.
Every little thing each and every one of us says and does opens up a giant opportunity for misunderstanding and misinterpretation.
Those often lead to anger and dispute. Same with differences of opinion, interests and intention, even without misunderstanding.

Nobody is always wrong or at fault all the time, ever. In a vacuum there would be no right or wrong at all. It all starts and ends
in interaction with others. So whatever it is from situation to situation, it is literally impossible, that you are at fault all the time.
That said, a quick look at what "fault" even means. Something you said or did is evaluated by others and classified as wrong.
A judgement like that is always a matter of opinion.
Let's take democracy as an example. Rule of majority. In each single aspect what is right or wrong is decided by taking into consideration,
what position the claimed greater number of people is taking towards it.
"Claimed" because who can in many cases really say what most people really think? Who counts that? Also peer pressure, embarrassment
and so on make people lie, when put on the spot. Furthermore an opinion a person forms is more often than not based on a quick emotional
reaction, not on evaluating facts. This gets exploited all the time. Meaning that the opinion of the majority very often is not the
true opinion of the majority at all. Yet decisions get made on that basis. People suck. Politics suck.

Still, human beings can not coexist without compromise. Rarely two persons are in total agreement. That would make both "right".
The next option is "agree to disagree". Respecting each others point of view without seeing one of the positions as less.
And the third option is that in a disagreement one side is right and one is wrong. This happens on a sliding scale. Almost never
one side is 100% right and the other 100% wrong. And even if this occurs, it definitely doesn't all the time. Most times it's much
more like 51% vs. 49%. That is what compromises are for. Human interaction is about balance, give and take.

With that, back to your problem. It appears you're having (among others maybe) relationship issues. Getting along with other people in general
is a challenge. Leading a successful relationship is a much bigger one for almost all people almost all the time.
A huge amount of literature, giant part of all music, movies, TV-shows... revolve around nothing else. Humans have a lot of trouble
getting along and are occupied thinking about that constantly.

All this should lead you to the following:
If you have the feeling that you are at fault, all the time - from your statements you are - realize that not everything is on you.
It can't be. That doesn't mean, that looking into details from the outside you can't be responsible for some things.
Obviously you are experiencing a lot of conflict. Speaking from experience, over time this is bad for the soul.
Hence >"i can't take it anymore."
Something is wrong or very problematic in your life. That should change, if possible. Doesn't mean you, or better only you have to change.
I can't go further into detail here, that must be enough. But some general tips may be of help:

----------
Relationship / human interaction:

This is not, or only in parts useful for business or if dealing with rivals or even enemies.
When it comes to friends, family and lovers it is a good practice to resolve conflicts.

- Try to keep calm! If either one starts to boil, leave the situation, but return as soon as possible and continue.
- Try to go into any discussion with an open mind. Be willing to get convinced by good points or at least to accept those as valid.
- Expect the same from the other. (I am listening to you, trying to understand your points and respecting you. Please do the same.(!))
- Try to keep in mind what you want and don't get distracted.
- Try to be as honest as possible as often as possible.
- Take time to listen and try to really understand what the other is saying.
- Try to make your own intentions and goals clear. Say what you want and why you want it. Same with what you don't like and why.
- Try to be specific, to the point and use understandable language. No irony, sarcasm, hidden clues and so on.
- Try to be open about your feelings. Try to understand why you're feeling like that. Angry, why? Sad, hurt, why? Communicate that.

Don't take this lightly. It often takes strong nerves to listen to something you don't like and still be calm.
It takes a lot of practice. Same goes for communication. What do I say, how do I say it?

Those tips in general. Example for your case:

Ask why the other thinks something is your fault. Stick to a single point, not all at once!
Listen to the explanation, try to keep calm. If the explanation is not understandable (what is the real reason for an opinion?),
ask again. Be friendly but insistent, until you really get the point. Then think about that. Do you disagree? If so, why?
Explain your own view. Do not shout or attack if possible, that always crashes a conversation.
Look for common ground. As mentioned before, those situations are 51% / 49% about who is "right" or "wrong" most of the time.
Try to focus on finding a solution together, with which everyone can live in the end.

Finally a more general point again:

You can not come to a compromise with someone who is uncompromising and closes the door.
That has to be dealt with another way. The goal should always be an open, honest, respectful conversation
among equals. Even in a case of completely unresolvable conflict, it should end in "agree to disagree".
If one side is absolutely unwilling to listen or move even an inch, there is not much to be done about that.

But for you, it is very important to know, that if you gave it a really fair and honest try and ran against a wall,
it is absolutely not your fault. It is however in such a case the fault of the other. Fault in this example meaning
the responsibility for not being able to reach a compromise or at least an amicable solution in disagreement.
What you can do in a situation like this, is stay open to pick up the conversation again later, if the other opens up.
This often takes some time and a once closed door can open.

If something like this happens very often, any relationship is usually doomed. Open conversation is key, always.
A very select few may find other ways and still get along.
But you are apparently suffering. If you are sitting in a pot with boiling water and are unable to turn down the
heat, you need to get out of that pot, sooner or later. Unless you like sitting in boiling water, than that is okay.

----------
Helpful measures:
These are not a solution to specific problems. But to deal with any kind of emotional distress, as well as
physical pain, you need mental strength and as much physical stability as you can get.
From my own experience, all of these methods do really work and can change a situation from unbearable to
just bearable, even moderately acceptable sometimes. This is a lot of effort for a little gain, but when
your life is a living hell for some reason, even a little bit of relief can be a lot.

- Take a hike. :) Actually a nature walk. Ideally in a park or the woods or something like that.
The combination of moderate exercise and eye-movement, supported by changing scenery and different impressions
is scientifically proven to lighten the mood. That really works. If you are about to jump off a bridge,
walk there on foot and take the long, scenic route. You will feel better after a while, even if you don't want to
or don't have any reason to. Seriously. This also works wonders if you are angry.

- Focus your mind on something funny. Read a book, cartoons, funny comic book, watch funny TV or a movie.
Nothing emotionally triggering, dark or otherwise heavy. If you can't focus at all because your mind keeps spinning
around, take a nature walk. After that it should work.

- Keep your mind occupied. If you can focus, else see above. Play chess, solve puzzles and so on.
Avoid mentally stressful activities if possible. Check your emotions. If you're playing an ego-shooter
or do something like that, take a breather to check if you feel stressed. If so, stop. Take a hike.

- meditate. something for the more disciplined. If you exercise a meditation of your choice on a regular basis
that relieves stress long-time and lowers your blood-pressure. Medically proven. 15-20min. per day, each day.

- be sexually active. method of your choice and availability. Works like psychotropics without the negative-side effects.

- avoid anything that stresses you or makes you angry as much as possible. (news, social media...) instead actively focus
on things that give you pleasure or stimulate your mind in an otherwise positive way.

The human brain consists of billions of synapses. Hundred thousands of connections are newly formed every day, even when your older.
You can actively reprogram your own brain to a certain degree. If you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss will stare back.
Meaning if your mind is always in a dark tunnel and you're turning the same dark thoughts over and over again, you are building
a highway in your mind for dark and angry thoughts. As a consequence you'll be sad, angry or afraid constantly. You can flush
that out a bit by forcefully thinking positive thoughts. Go to your happy place, that can even be GUROchan, as long as you're
feeling happy and positive with it. You build a highway in your brain for happiness and there will grow grass on the dark track.
As I said - to a certain degree. This does not perform miracles. The darkness and anger and such never really go away.
But it does grow more silent.

- sport (mens sana in corpore sano)

Sad, but true for those who are like me not exactly a fan.
Try to keep your body at least in a functional shape, even if it is a pain in the ass and everywhere else.
Your mind will thank you for it. Doesn't have to be enough for the Olympics, just regular exercise.
Why the mind? When you are stronger, healthier and more in control of your body, sadness doesn't pull you down as much.
Also it reduces anger. And you feel less helpless or overwhelmed when dealing with anxiety.

- positive social contacts

being with others can have very positive effects on your mental health. For some it is enough to just be around people.
Me, I can't stand most people, at least many. But if you are in a situation, where you feel understood, liked and respected,
that is extremely good for the soul. Try to avoid conflict though.
This is a typical Psycho-point and I always find it rather cynical. If you're lonely, sad, feeling misunderstood for whatever reason,
you can not create friends out of nothing. Even if you have people in your life, even a lot, you can't force yourself to like them,
or them to like you. Many try that, but it is never a good idea. You sell yourself short and disrespect your own worth in doing so.
Everybody is worth to be liked as they are. Just not by everyone - a very common misconception.

It is worth the trouble, looking for people that you like and who like you back. If not, tough luck. Forget those.
That's why "positive" social contacts. Find what works for you. Be careful with social media. If it lifts your spirits, good.
But don't let yourself become victim of stupid likability contests as many do. It's demeaning. Fuck 'em. You're worth more.

- alcohol
does lift the spirits, but you don't want to get dependent on it and it is not good for your body, especially on a
regular basis or en masse, or even both. Same goes for other drugs. All in moderation.


yeah, and eat healthy, always wear sunscreen, look left and right before crossing a street...
Lots of commonplaces, nothing really new, just maybe the selection of points. The reason for that could be,
that there hasn't been much essentially new to the way human beings function for thousands of years.
And still one generation after another repeats the same bullshit over and over again. Doomed species, if you ask me.
ugh. ok I'm done now.

Well, these are the insights that I picked up during my own struggle onward through this hellish nightmare of a
bloody human existence on this doomed rock hurling through space. Most of it has helped me to cling to it
against all odds, for a long time, so maybe one point or another can be helpful to someone else.