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Gore & Death
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Anonymous
2019/05/29
(Wed)
22:15:38
No.
69817
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>>69510
Great work, anon.
If I may, I would propose some minor changes.
>>63395
"I'll be doing some early downsizing" -> "Please, get transferred/fired as soon as possible"
"Swallow up this semen.." -> "Ah~ Take all my seed.."
"Now you can take it all with your slowly dying sphincter!" -> "Take it all while you die slowly!"
>>64042
"P-please be happy, I got pregnant." -> "I-I'm so happy I got pregnant."
"She falls for stalkers." -> "A stalker who easily gets infatuated."
"Even if your body is dead it will greedily accept my semen!" -> "Even though your body is dead it's still greedily accepting my semen!"
"Afterwards, she was finely ground into pork which the villagers were treated to." -> "Afterwards she was finely minced and served as "pork" to the neighborhood."
>>64043
"Loook, it's my boobs haha" -> "Loook, here are my breasts haha"
Post number
No.
69817
Board
Gore & Death
Reason
Optional. Describe what's wrong with it.
Style: