Author of Susan here.

Once again, I'm honored to have inspired somebody else and right off the bat I have to give kudos for the hilarious and original premise.

Technical quality was good, the only real mistake I could find being using 'raucous' (which is an adjective) instead of 'ruckus'.

There were a few things that I feel could have been explained a little better, such as how Alex managed to cut through Alyssa's waist; the scissors don't quite seem up to the task. Also, Alyssa regaining any feeling in her lower body (or still being able to walk at the motel) after settling her top half on her lower half again seems a little strange given that her spinal cord didn't actually reconnect, as evidenced by the fact that she can slide a seat belt through the gap. Finally, I was left wondering why they were suddenly dressed in towels in the motel parking lot.

Still, it was an amusing story and I'm looking forward to more of your work. I don't know how if loli is your thing, but if it isn't I'd love to read something in which the protagonist was at least in her late teens. Anyway, that's just my personal preference. Keep up the good work!