Thought of a couple more and figured I might as well post them:

- The Hangover. Alyssa blinked open her eyes, but quickly closed them again as the light was blinding, making her already throbbing headache even worse. What had happened? She tried to recall the previous night, but it was all a blur. She did remember that it had started out with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. She tried to get up, but nothing happened. Carefully opening one eye, she looked down. She saw nothing. Further inspection revealed that everything below her neck was missing. Well, that was problematic. She looked around and noticed an arm and shoulder lying on the floor a short distance away. It kind of looked like hers, though she wasn't entirely certain. Still, it was better than nothing. Using her tongue to wiggle herself forward, she positioned her neck stump against the shoulder and waited for the two parts to join up. Now that she had a little more mobility it was time to find her other parts... and work out what exactly had happened the night before. (Cue glorified scavenger hunt all across campus, having to rely on vague accounts from other hungover party-goers such as "Dude, I think I saw a couple of the Kappa Zeta Mus use your pelvis as a frisbee").
- In two places at once. Alyssa was running like a madman across campus. Her previous class had run late and she couldn't be late again for Econ 101. If only she could split herself in two so she could be in two places at once... She stopped in her tracks. It was crazy, but it just might work. That night, she saws herself down the middle, wrapping plastic wrap around her two halves to keep her insides from falling out. Walking around is a little awkward since with one leg per side she can only hop, but other than that the two halves are fairly functional. Enough for taking notes in class, at least. The next day goes well: effectively halving her schedule gives her lots of extra time. When she comes back to her dorm room her roommate finds her new situation fascinating and they start playing around.
- Not in the job description. When her colleagues had told her she'd be worked to the bone at her new summer job at the kitchen of a restaurant, she had assumed they were joking. The remark had, in fact, been quite literal. The guy who delivered the meat was apparently notoriously unreliable, leaving the restaurant short-stocked once every one or two months. In these cases, some of the lower-ranking staff were expected to make up the shortage. Which is how Alyssa found herself on the chopping board with the sous chef currently pulling out her kidneys. Below her waist, only a skeleton remained. The only part of her that would not be served to the customers aside from her bones was half her brain so that she could be reconstructed. Oh well, it was a living. The aroma of her uterus frying in garlic wafted over to her. She smelled delicious.