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Nice Piece
2015/09/05
(Sat)
18:30:37
No.
2838
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Here are a couple suggestions if you want them. First great story. Better than most written like this.
If you continue, think of not continuing in the same spot. Move forward in time - perhaps to a quiet drive home with her mom and work in brief flash backs.
Don't have her mother go into a long brainy rationale for what they did. Just let it pass.
Have her missing - even longing for more. That was one of the best parts of what you have done so far. Have her ask her mother for a gun - loaded - to use in her cunt with the safety off or better yet safety broken.
Then go to the next visit. One last suggestion - have the cuntlet work on expanding and deepening her hole to make a better gun rack. That would be fun to hear her talk to her mother about!
Great work - thanks,
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No.
2838
Board
Literature
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