Figured it's better to just append this thread before making a new one, so here's some stuff on grammar and style.

Passive vs. Active Voice

Passive: Jen was killed by Jon.

Active: Jon killed Jen.

Passive is boring. Avoid it. Use active voice anywhere that doesn't explicitly require passive voice to make sense.

Rule of thumb: if you can finish the sentence with ". . . by aliens," then it's passive. "OBJECT was VERB by SUBJECT" is the most common passive structure.

Examples:

Jon was paralyzed by fear. Jon was paralyzed by aliens.

Jen was eaten by Jon. Jen was eaten by aliens.

Sentence Structure

This sentence is five words. This, too, is five words. It's kinda boring like this. The rhythm is too bland. Are you getting bored yet?

Fuck that. Let your sentence lengths vary. Use rhythm. Engage your reader with pretty language and poetic elements. Don't be afraid of long, drawn-out sentences as long as you avoid run-ons. Likewise, don't fear short sentences. You can have one sentence with 10 words, another with 3, another with 6, and maybe one with 15. Variance is key.

Short sentences excel in action sequences.

Long sentences, such as this one, read more quickly than the preceding shorter sentence, but pack less of that staccato punch; you can use them anywhere, but they won't be as engaging as short sentences during action scenes.

Paragraphs

Break up your paragraphs. If your story is 1000 words long, but consists of only two paragraphs of 500 words each, nobody will take the time to read it, because it's a wall of text. If you find yourself skimming your own story, so will your readers.

A paragraph is usually three to five sentences long. Sometimes they're shorter. One line of dialogue, for example, is frequently a whole paragraph.

Shocking reveals or climactic moments can also get their own paragraphs--for example: "And their father watched them die."

"This gets its own paragraph," said Andrew.

Apparently it's not common knowledge, because there are several stories--even published--where characters speak in the middle of a paragraph. "But this makes sense to me," said an author. This author was wrong. Stuffing dialogue in the middle of a paragraph of exposition is generally bad practice. There are exceptions, such as when a character is speaking, and quotes somebody else, as if telling a story. For example:

"So when I got back from the supermarket, Jen says to me, 'Jon, the hell is wrong with your pants?' And I says to her, 'I got no clue, why aren't you in the oven?' So I stuck her in the oven."

Past, Present, and Future

This sentence is in present-tense. Most non-story posts on /lit/ are in present-tense, for that matter. People generally speak in present-tense. Teachers teach in present tense, too (barring the usual "you'll want to know this for the test," which is future-tense). "Is" is a common indicator of present-tense, just as "was" is for past-tense, and "will" is for future-tense.

Most novels are written in past-tense, no matter the language. "He said" and "she said" are both in past-tense.

Most roleplaying is done in present-tense. "He says" and "she says" are both in present-tense.

I see a lot of roleplayers mix up the two when they transition to novels, and though I don't roleplay myself, I suspect fiction writers have a hard time adjusting to present-tense.

Future-tense is rarely used outside of dialogue. "I will" and "I am going to" are usually how future-tense sentences begin in English, similar to Spanish's "Voy a".

Writing Like an Adult

"Josh kicked the ball. The goalie missed! The ball went into the goal. Josh's teammates were happy because they won the game."

"Josh swept his foot at the ball, and connected with a satisfying crack--straight on the laces, just a little bit of lift. Two defenders slid for it, kicking up dirt and grass. The ball sailed over their outstretched feet. It grazed one's shin guard and changed course. The goalkeeper cursed, stumbled, and tried to dive the other way.

Too late.

The ball swished into the back of the net. The annoying blast of an air horn marked both the last-second goal and the end of the game. Josh heard his teammates cheering behind him."

That first passage is the ending from a book I wrote when I was 9. The second passage is something I whipped up more than a decade later. Odds are, you can tell which was written by a child and which was written by an adult. Children are usually very blunt. A classmate of mine, for the same assignment, wrote a story about an ogre and a princess (Shrek was new back then) almost entirely in passive voice, forsaking detail for advancement of the story.

Often, my classmates and I would follow the teacher's rubric to the letter. Introduction, goal, complications, climax, resolution. Our stories rarely surpassed 50 words, because we could introduce several characters within a couple short sentences, and paraphrase the story in our minds into a single paragraph.

"There was a man named Ken. Ken had blond hair. Ken was sad because his dog was lost. His dog was a golden retriever. He looked for his dog, but there was a storm. He put on a raincoat. He battled the storm until it went away. Then he found his dog, and they were happy to see each other. The end."

The story of Ken searching for his dog in the middle of a storm could be a riveting man-versus-nature epic in the right hands. Yet because an 8-year-old wrote it, it looks more like clumsy synopsis of such a story--written by an 8-year-old.

Point is, write with detail. Show your readers what happened--don't tell them the gist of it. Introduce Ken and describe him through his actions instead of saying he had blond hair and was named Ken. Give the readers some flashbacks to show why his dog is so important that he can't just wait out the storm. "Battled the storm" could mean anything, so show the readers what it actually means. Does Ken fight the storm with his lightning powers? Or does he push through it, fighting against hypothermia and zero visibility?

Of course, most of the writers here are writing snuff porn, but most of this still applies. Write details, not paraphrasing. Describe the glistening streams of blood coming from your protagonist's severed head, instead of just saying, "He chopped her head off. The end." Describe what her brain looks like when the villains are eating it. Describe the taste, the texture. If you're doing scat, you'd better bet you should describe the smell. Guro in general is a genre that requires detail, because that's what your readers will be getting off on.

I'm still very new to writing erotica, Queenslayer being my second attempt, so I'm not too qualified to talk about that yet. One I know my way around the genre, I'll write a guide for it. But as of right now, you're better off asking someone with more experience under their proverbial belt. All I can tell you is that your erotica shouldn't read like a child wrote it, or it'll be hard to enjoy, much less get off to.

Misc

Your and you're:

Your dog is on fire (possessive). You're eating my food (you are). "You are dog is on fire," makes no sense. Use what makes sense to determine what you should use.

Their, they're, and there:

Their dog is on fire (possessive). They're eating my food (they are). You can find a fire extinguisher over there (a place).

I and i:

I on its own is always capitalized. Think of it like a name. You always capitalize names.

That's all for now.