Much better! Your willingness to listen to constructive criticism-and more importantly, to apply that criticism to your work-is super impressive.

One quick observation: Your work doesn't see overtly sexual. Are you going to crank that up with any potential sequels/new stories? Also fun fact, I was thinking myself before the first draft even came up about Twilight having a "Brain Room" where she stockpiles harvested brains, so it was nice to see someone else had that idea too :)

Also, I wonder if either you or someone else will ever get round to poor Scootaloo, who must be feeling rather lonesome. I entertained the idea when doing my story, but I like the idea of parts getting used for a specific purporse-Rarity had fashion, Appolejack had farm stuff...would Dash use her for training gear? I couldn't figure out anything good myself...