On the one hand, I’m happy my suicide failed. I’ve realised how much I have to live for, and my personal relationships are stronger than ever.

But I wish I hadn’t tried hanging myself. I mean, I didn’t know that my neck would stretch down so that my feet touched the floor. Wish I had. Now I have to either carry my head, wrap my neck around my torso or just let my head hang all the way down between my legs. I look ridiculous!

Oh well. At least I’m the master of deep-throating now. And auto-cunnilingus. Speaking of…

(I hope people are enjoying these. It's fun trying to get them to exactly 100 words. I'm thinking of compiling them. Maybe expanding on some if any are particularly popular...)