April 13, 2010.

Archibald, George- About a month ago, I was visiting family in Kiev when I met a strange man. He was a tall man with blue eyes, hair graying prematurely from a life of stress. When he spoke, his words boomed out in a deep Slavic accent. I met him at a hotel, removing a family of Jissouseki from the premises in a burlap bag. I could tell from cries of “Let us out techi!” The man holding the bag was a fairly nice guy, and after an interesting conversation about the captured Jissouseki, I managed to arrange a meeting with him the next day. As it turns out, he was a rogue biologist who has been researching Jissou for quite some time. I could not pass up such an interesting story.

I met him the next day on the roof of his apartment building. What follows is a transcript of his interview. Be advised that I did not tamper with his dialogue at all, so expect to see broken English. He knows English, but not fluently.

George: Please state your name.

Researcher: Vladimir Kozlov.

George: Mind if I call you Vlad?

Vladimir: Go ahead.

George: So, Vlad, tell me a little about yourself, like where were you born, where did you live, and all that good stuff.

Vladimir: I born in Kiev, December 14, 1979. (Points into distance) My parent home somewhere across river. Mother was housewife, father work hard at factory. I had little brother, he three year younger than me. I just graduate from University when Soviet Union fall. I receive Master in Biology from National Taras Shevchenko University of Kyiv. I major in biology. It been dream since child to be scientist. Mother always call me “Little Professor.” I first member of my family to get diploma. (Smiles and laughs) Huh huh huh… You should have seen the look on father’s face when his son show diploma at family gettogether. “Little Vlad, I so proud of you!” Huh huh huh! He still proud of me to this day!

George: What did you want to do with your degree?”

Vladimir: I do not remember, sadly.

George: I remember yesterday you were carrying a family of Jissou out of the hotel where I was staying. Do you do this for amusement or for money?

Vladimir: For money, of course. Got to put food on table. Jissou also make good research specimen.

George: So when did you first see a Jissouseki?

Vladimir: I first saw Jissouseki while looking for work in Kiev back in 2006. It was little troll-like creature that jump up and down shouting (imitates Jissouseki child) “Techi Techi! Techi Techi! Techuuu!” I call over passerby and ask, “What is that thing?” Man look at it and say “I do not know!” I get same response from people all day. They not know what it was.

George: Tell me what happened after that.

Vladimir: Three day afterward, I get call from government. They offer job. Good pay, life-time medical insurance. It seemed like a very good deal. (Becomes more stern) Never, ever accept job from government that offer free medical care for life! You not know where they send you, so not accept.

George: Where did the government send you?

Vladimir: They sent us to Chernobyl.

George: Chernobyl? You mean THAT Chernobyl?!

Vladimir: No, it that other Chernobyl in Disneyland where animal sing and child are-- Of course THAT Chernobyl! We station in abandoned hotel in Prypiat. Was not so abandoned when I arrive. There snipers on rooftop and military men on ground around hotel. Prypiat very scary place at night… Sometimes, we think we see ghost… Ah, on topic. When we get to hotel, we told we are part of Chernobyl Containment Project.

George: Tell me about that.

Vladimir: It very serious operation. It start when government began seeing Jissou population appear in Kiev and move upwards. They probably originate from plane arriving from Kyoto. Concern from scientist was, “What if Jissou eat food contaminated by radioactive material in the Red Forest or, God forbid, get inside Reactor 4?” They could eat something contaminated by remnant of 1986 accident and spread potentially harmful material to other places. Consequence were severe; they could turn whole East Europe into radioactive wasteland. Chernobyl Containment Project meant to secure Zone of Alienation, build stronger sarcophagus around Reactor 4, and seal it for at least 400 years. My job was to patrol around Prypiat, wiping out all Jissou I came across and anybody who was not where supposed to be. Oddly enough, my brother got same patrol as me. Ah! My brother! I nearly forgot to talk about him. He get Master in Nuclear Physics three year after I get Master in Biology. You should have seen me and Father. “Little Anatoly, we so proud of you!” I, father, and grandfather nearly crush him in group hug. Huh huh huh… Ah, good times…

George: How was the job?

Vladimir: It Hell. 24 hour day, radiation high enough to fry your brain in some place, vagabond, bandit, and wild animal make life dangerous. That and uniform. Radiation suit, pack of anti-rad drug, Geiger Counter, and AKS-74U with five clip of ammunition. That biohazard suit get hotter than hell after eight hours, imagine having to wear it all the time!

George: What was the worst moment on your patrol?

Vladimir: There this one guy, he vagabond, he not where supposed to be, near an old military base near Chernobyl. I say “Hey, you not supposed to be here! Go home!” He pull out gun and start shoot at me. I got one burst, but that all it take. His chest get ripped open by bullets. Most haunting thing about that day was man’s eye. I saw him die. He still haunt my dream at night.

George: What was your weirdest encounter in the Zone of Alienation?

Vladimir: It was first time I see maggot.

George: A maggot? You mean like a fly maggot?

Vladimir: No, Jissou maggot. Jissouseki have three life stage: maggot, child, and adult.

George: Okay, now that we’ve cleared that up, tell me about the encounter.

Vladimir: Well, I in abandoned village near Prypiat. On fence there was green thing, no bigger than thumb, inch forward. When brother and I approach, it roll over on back, smile and say (Imitating Jissouseki maggot) “Belly soft, squishy refu! Please rub refu!” I turn to brother and ask, “What in world is that?” He look at me and say “You’re biologist! You tell me!” We chose side of caution, and knocked it off fence. It die on impact with ground. We about to move on when something punch brother in leg. It scream, “Why does it kill my baby desu?! It is evil men desu!” Heh. Brother kick it back and unload clip of bullets into it. It explode. Got green shit all over our suit. We search village to be on safe side. We find small group of twenty, twenty five Jissou living in the village. The children make nice crunchy noise when hit with shovel. Adult make for good target practice. Heh heh heh. I still hear their screams every now and then. (Imitates holding his rifle) “TECHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” “BANGBANGBANG” SPLAT! HA HA HA HA ho ho ho… Ah, those were great times.

George: So you two had fun, right?

Vladimir: Sometimes. Most of time, it either boring or dangerous. One of most fun moments was in Red Forest. We run across small family of Jissou along old road, three children and mother. Anatoly and I get bored with shooting on sight, so we decide to play around with them. Mother ask, “Am I not cute desu?” Anatoly laughed and said, “Cute you are, but your child is far cuter!” as he point to a child. Mother get so angry she turn around and stomp own child to death in front of her other children. I say this time, “Ah, you are cute, but your youngest child is so much cuter!” Mother pick up rock and splatter child’s brain all over ground. Last child shit herself with fright. Mother look at us and say “Am I cutest now desu?” I and Anatoly nearly fall over laughing. Mother get so angry she storms toward child. Child like “No! Please don’t kill me, mama! I love you techi!” Mother pick up child and piledrive head first into ground! Mother start crying when she realize all her children dead. She then perk up, take off her panties, and shake ass at us. “Desuuuuu…” Anatoly say, "That hot." I first think it joke, until Anatoly unzip pants. I look at him, he look back like “This is going to be great.” He stick something inside her, and she shudder with pleasure. She panic as she finds herself lifted into air. Turns out thing is not Anatoly, it his assault rifle. He pulled trigger, splattering Jissou parts everywhere. We walk away laughing.

George: What was the hardest moment of your job?

Vladimir: Leaving brother behind.

George: When did this happen?

Vladimir: It happen about a year and five months into job. We called to Chernobyl Power Plant. I, my brother, and 11 other guys sent into the Sarcophagus.

George: You mean, INSIDE Reactor #4?!

Vladimir: Yes. Inside reactor.

George: Why?

Vladimir: Some worker report Jissou in area around New Safe Confinement Construction site. Then robot come back showing a Jissou inside Sarcophagus. We sent in to eliminate problem before Jissou leave carrying radioactive material within them.

George: How did it go?

Vladimir: Badly.

George: Tell me about it.

Vladimir: Three guys enter sarcophagus before us. Only one come out, and his hair falling out. He die shortly after. We enter, not much better. I lose three guys almost five minutes in, killed by overexposure to radiation or falling rubble. Two guys find Jissou, then radio go dead. All I hear is sound of guys screaming. We go find them. There not much left of them. They leave big mess. Blood everywhere. Then, we see what killed them. A Jissou as big as man gnaw on severed leg. We shoot it, and it do what other Jissou do: burst like water balloon. We continue down hallway, and find large maggot size of baby. It say, “Too loud refu.” We shot it and it explode like slimy grenade, and find more maggots and repeat. Just then, our sensors detected a radiation spike caused by collapsing rubble. We evacuate. Everybody else aside from brother collapse from radiation or get lost in hallway. Our lights getting dim, so we had hard time sticking together. Then, it happen. A beam fall from ceiling and hit my brother. Break his skull, I guess. I try to get him free when guy on radio yell “Get out of there! NOW! GO GO GO!” I run toward exit. I finally find it. I went to get help, but they tell me that radiation kill him. (Looks away) My brother’s GPS locator still active for several days afterwards. He not move for two day, then three days later, he move 24 meters, then stop. Not long after, signal go dead. They not find his or others’ body. I think I know what happen. One guy’s radio remain on entire time. Sticky button, I guess. I hear whisper while at base. “Hungry techi…” “Mr. Man die techi” “Food techi” “My share techi!”. Gave me nightmare.

George: How did your family take the death of your brother?

Vladimir: Very hard. Mother start crying, Father ask me, “Why you not help him?” I not put up with them. I hung up. They didn’t speak to me until my leukemia.

George: Wait, you had leukemia? How did you find out?

Vladimir: About three months after job complete, I receive cut while cooking. It not stop bleeding, even after four hours. It minor injury, you see. I go to hospital, and doctor there say I have leukemia. I blame being in the Zone for too long.

George: What do you feel about the Jissouseki?

Vladimir: They worst ecological disaster this century. So many species go extinct, entire biosphere disrupted. And we can’t eradicate them.

George: When did you decide to study Jissou?

Vladimir: After I returned home and found Father torturing one. He strap it to table and cut off limbs one by one. “Why you take my son from me? Why, Why?!” He yelled. It kind of funny, if you saw it. An old man yelling like a crazy man while the Jissou is screaming “TECHAAAAAAAA! IT HURTS IT HURTS TECHIIIIIIII!” Father not crazy. Father normally good man. He used to feed stray dogs in street table scraps, even If they bit him in process. He not act like my father. I needed to find reason for strange behavior.

George: Did you find it?

Vladimir: I think I have, I need to finish paper and submit to peer review.

George: Can you tell me a little bit of it?

Vladimir: My paper tell discovery of Jissou marker pheromone that cause increase in aggressive activity in human. I find pheromone emitted from pores all over body, and test concentrated version of it on volunteers. They get extremely angry at slight provocation and become violent in instant. That all I have ready for review.

George: Well thank you for your time Vlad.

Vladimir: Anytime.

After the interview, Vlad and I went out for a drink. He also showed me some of the more interesting sites around the city, like several notable land marks in Kiev and the best restaurants in town. After another week in his company, we parted ways. He told me, “Come back if you want to talk more, yes?”

(Update November 2009: In September, I went back to visit Kiev again. I called Vlad’s number and did not receive a reply. I managed to track down a friend of his. That’s when I heard the news.

Vlad died in July, his paper unfinished. His leukemia came back a mere two months after we last spoke, and he was simply too weak to fight it. He lingered for about a month, then he died. He passed on with his parents by his side the whole time. His ashes were scattered in a small piece of land near the Chernobyl Power Plant, according to his last wishes. He wanted to be as close as he could be to the brother who he could not help those years ago. His name has been carved into a monument in front of the New Safe Confinement structure, yet another name added to the list of lives taken by the Zone.

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