A Jessanonymous Production

General Jissouseki Health and First Aid

"Hello, my name is Edward. Are you frustrated by the fact that you raise or breed Jissouseki but they constantly die while in larval or thumb stages from simple accidents? It's easy to not know what to do when a grub or thumb you've worked hard to raise falls into its own water dish and drowns. Usually your first instinct is to throw it away or feed it to another Jissou. However, if you can catch it soon enough, there is a way to resuscitate it. Unlike humans, Jissouseki bodies do not decay as quickly when it is deprived of oxygen. When a Jissouseki suffers the inability to breathe, its body "dies" quite quickly - within seconds actually. This halting of bodily functions is in fact not death, but a sudden conservation of oxygen enacted solely by the cells of the Jissouseki's body. Unfortunately, like humans, they require CPR to be revived - so Jissou in the wild are out of luck because their siblings would rather eat them. Once oxygen-enriched blood is flowing again, the cells will revert back to normal and the Jissouseki will come back to life. However, they must be revived within 15 to 20 minutes, otherwise the cells will really die."

"Now, Jissouseki grubs and thumbs are very small and very fragile, so how does one perform CPR on something the size of a stink bug? You can't. Not without special equipment, anyway. Here I have a modified eye-dropper. As you can see there is a plastic mask addition to the tip. By inserting the tip into the mouth of the grub, this mask will cover the whole nose and mouth. The rubber bulb at the end can be affixed with ones of varying sizes - for grubs of varying size. Now, I will demonstrate the grub CPR technique."

Edward opens a nearby box, and as soon as it does, a familiar voice is heard.

"Refu? Bright, refu!"

"A mister man, refu!"

"Rub tummy please, refu!"

He reaches into the box and withdraws a normal, fatty grub. It seems pleased that it was chosen, and happily wags everything it can while in his grip. To keep from dropping it from its happydance, he places the grub in his palm and closes the box to keep the others quiet.

"Lunch time, refu? Please rub, refu!"

"No, it's not lunch time. You're going to help me, Ricky."

As Edward rubs the belly of the grub, it drools a little.

"Ricky help like last time, refu?"

"Yes, just like last time."

Edwards unveils a small cage and a jar of water. His plan is to drown the grub and then revive it for the viewing pleasure of the audience. The grub seems to be calm, as if it has been through this many times. As Edward puts the grub in the tiny cage, it asks him a question in its best interest.

"Can have two candy this time, refu?"

Edward nods.

"All-right. And for lunch, you can have some hamburger!"

The grub reacts happily, and pants even more. A little green slime drools into the tank of water below him. Edward lowers the grub towards the water. Like most creatures, there is uneasiness and fear even when you've committed to something like this, so the grub appears to be scared when the water touches its stocking. As the entire cage is submerged, the stocking of the grub darkens as it absorbs moisture. The eyes of the grub have closed and its hair is flowing in the direction of the current.

Like most Jissou, realization is slow to them. As if the synapses take the bus rather than the bullet train. Once the realization that it cannot breathe hits them, they begin to panic and thrash about. The grub pushes down on the cage bottom, and paddles with its stubby limbs along the top of the cage as if searching for oxygen. The A-shaped mouth protrudes and depresses, like the grub is swallowing water. Edward reaches down into the water to reassure the grub with his finger. He must have some attachment to it in order to do that.

He must also be pretty confident in his ability to revive it too. Within 20 seconds, the grub has turned blue and has stopped moving. Its eyes have clouded over as well. For all intents and purposes, it is officially dead. Or is it? Edward removes the cage from the water, and opens it to remove the drowned grub. He sets it on the table in front of him, on its back.

"There's one good thing about Jissouseki's simple construction. Unlike humans, they do not need to have their heads tilted backwards when performing CPR. The first thing you'll want to do is make sure the nozzle enters the airway and not the esophagus."

Edward brandishes his eyedropper. The tip is actually very thin, like a needle, and it is curved slightly.

"Slide the tip along the tongue to the back of the throat. The first bump you feel should be the opening to the lungs."

Once it is in place, the mask has completely covered the nose and mouth of the grub. Edward covers the top of the bulb and squeezes it. The chest of the grub rises. Edwards withdraws the nozzle.

"Once new air has been introduced to the blood in the lungs, it's now time to send that blood to the rest of the body. Place your finger on the chest and feel until you find the center of the Jissouseki's ribcage. Put your ear down next to it, and press on it until you hear the bones crack."

Edward does so, and applies pressure to the chest. After as much pressure as it takes to click a sticky mouse button, a series of cracking noises take place in the chest.

"Don't worry, these fractures will heal in a couple days. Now press on the chest of the grub slowly, as if you were pressing a button on a remote control. You may or may not have the need to give the grub one more dose of air, as the size and metabolism will vary."

Edward pushes on the chest of the grub, which sends the oxygen to all corners of it. Since the amount of oxygen is not used up on the first chest compression, he applies two more. As if it was clockwork, a faint mist shoots out of the mouth of the grub.

"Kurefu!"

It seems the grub is now breathing on its own volition, but remains lying there, staring into space. It must be weakened from its ordeal, and only the eyes, now unclouded, are moving slowly from object to object as if trying to recall what happened.

"Don't be surprised if the grub doesn't get up and start running around. It'll take a minute or two for the cells to wake up, and a few minutes more to get some energy. In ten minutes it should be asking for belly rubs, though."

Edward picks up the grub and sets it onto a tissue atop a heating pad so that it can recover on its own terms.

"Well, I would love to go over the grub heimlich for whenever it chokes on food but - the organs around the area of pressure application are packed too tightly and you will kill the grub before it suffocates on whatever is in its airway. From Edward and Ricky, have a good night all you breeders!"

"Refu~" came from the weakened ricky on the tissue.