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No.9269 [Report]
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>>8407

Oh hi guys, Al, Red, so glad to see you still around, for you all I saved this classic that deserves to be retold forever enjoy.

"1006 Name: WitchDoctor : 2009-06-08 17:17 [Del] And now, to celebrate the 1,000th post in this thread, I present you with another bit of fiction!"

Birthday Surprise!


By WitchDoctor



Ding! Ding! The young waitress, clad in a green maid's outfit and faux Jissou ears, rang the bell on the counter dividing the family friendly façade of the restaurant and the harsh, brutal reality of the kitchens. A hairy fat man of Hispanic origin walked from deep inside the kitchen to the counter. He was dressed in a green and red striped shirt. A hairnet held back his greasy curls. His hands were covered with two plastic gloves. On his chest was a name tag that simply read “Alfonso.”

“One large 'Uji-tacular Pizza. Be sure to add the birthday suprise.'” Said the young waitress to the man.

With this, the man with “Alfonso” on his name tag perked up. He walked back into the fluorescent lit linoleum dungeon that was the kitchen after confirming the order with the Jissou-clad waitress. To the stove he went. He had to make a pizza for some lucky child today!

Although he enjoyed preparing menu items like “Jissou-chan-sashimi” or the ever-popular “Popcorn Oyayubi,” Alfonso took a special joy in preparing pizza, so much so that the the unofficial title of the menu item was “Alfonso's Uji-tacular Pizza,” at least for this restaurant anyway. Unlike the other chefs, Alfonso liked making his pizzas from the freshest ingredients. It takes about 40 minutes or so to make, but according to most of the customers, it is well worth the wait.

He first had to make the dough. This was simple enough. Alfonso mixed warm water, ¼ of a packet of yeast, a teaspoon of salt, two teaspoons extra olive oil, and a table spoon of sugar into a large wooden bowl. After making a cloudy mixture, he waited for ten minutes as he took care of other orders. When the timer rang, he knew it was time to add flour. He added four cups of bread flour, one cup at a time, whisking until the powder dissolved into the cloudy, frothy yeast mixture. When the mixture became too thick for the whisk, he began kneading the mixture with his worn hands until any dry flour had been liquefied. When he had made the lumpy dough ready, he took it out of the bowl and flattened it on a pan. With a ladle, he spread an even layer of fresh tomato sauce on the dough. With a sprinkle of parsley, basil, and a tune in his heart, he sprinkled mozzarella cheese on the red lake of sauce. Now to get the meat...

Alfonso walked to a door at the back of the kitchen. The room it lead to was dingy, with none of the green and red spattered linoleum or wallpaper decorated with cartoonish caricatures of Jissouseki boasting about how good they will taste to the potential customer. The room was just a 8x6x16 (W·H·L, of course) room made from solid brick, bare except for a few cages and a table. Here was where the meat was kept. There is almost no frozen meat in this restaurant!

In the cages were several hundred Jissouseki. Unlike chicken or beef, Jissou meat does not store well without preservatives or being pre-cooked. Their meat is surprisingly tender; any more so and it would be more like meat-flavored preserves. It gets freezer burn very easily, and it begins to decompose within about a half hour of being exposed to the air if it is not prepared. Thus, for purposes of deep frying or as a topping in salads or pizza, they must be killed on site, cooked, and served.

The Jissouseki in the cages were delivered to the restaurant by a delivery truck from a special breeding facility. From the time they were maggots to the time they were about 10 months old, they had known nothing but the confines of their cozy climate controlled pens. One day, they are sleeping with mommy, their little sisters, and maybe their own children, and wake up in a moving truck. Upon arrival to the restaurant, they learned the hard way what they were doomed to become. They saw many of the Jissouseki in the pens with them be lifted out of the cage by a Mr. Man, only to be chopped up on the table in the room, and then the still twitching remains would be carried to an unknown fate in the next room. Most have realized by now that their days are numbered, and they are on death row. They don't beg for a home, they beg for mercy, pleas that fall on indifferent ears. As such, all the Jissou flinched and backed into a corner when Alfonso entered the room. They feared that they would be the next Jissou on the chopping block. A few of the Jissou (new here, no doubt) breathed a sigh of relief when Alfonso turned to the table, and not even look at them, as soon as he walked in.

On the table was a special box. Taped on the side were three D cell batteries, with wires leading from the battery terminals to the interior of the box. Planted in the center of the box was a teddy bear sized adult Jissouseki. She had arrived at the restaurant about three days earlier. One of the high school kids who works as a waiter got to work after getting off the bus when he noticed that his backpack was heavier than usual. When he got to the restaurant, he opened the bag to find an adult Jissou stowed away in his backpack, sitting on top of his Precalculus homework. After a quick health check up, Alfonso and several other chefs decided to use her. Her meat, of course, would be too tough or too gamey for the customers, but she could be useful in other ways.

The plan to use her was not without its bumps along the way. Since her arrival,this Jissou had been nothing but trouble. They were originally going to keep her in a cage, but she killed several others kept in the cage. They tried putting her into a playpen, but she managed to get out. They tried putting her on a leash tied to a pipe, but she slipped out of her collar, took a shit in the microwave oven, gave birth to a litter of pups in the women's bathroom, and planted her grubs throughout the restaurant. And this was during the busiest hours of the day! Three other cooks, Ricky, Phillip, and Mike, spent three hours finding all the grubs strewn throughout the building. If somebody had stepped on one and slipped on its liquefied remains, the restaurant owner could have been sued! The total numbers of grubs collected was 27, and there very well could have been more. They'll just have to wait until they see children trying to raid the freezer or pestering customers. That was the last straw, and they were about to kill her and throw her still twitching body in a dumpster in the back. That was until somebody came up with a solution that was beneficial to everybody.

One of the waiters, a biology major, had made several modifications to the offending Jissou. For one, he had skilfully removed her legs and pelvis, leaving the sack-like uterus dangling underneath, with the fleshy tube of her choleca resting in a small drawer below her. To keep her vulnerable organs from suffering damage or becoming infected, the kid who made the modifications secured the exposed organs in a bag filled with a sterile saline solution. The only thing sticking out of the bag was the fleshy tube leading out of the uterus. The box around her exposed lower organs is heated thanks to a specially made circuit to prevent the Jissou from succumbing to hypothermia. The remaining skin around her waist was secured to the box by the use of thumb-tacks, stretching the flaps of excess skin to form a base, and she is held in place by a crude plastic frame. He had also stripped her of her clothing and hair. Dirt and parasites tend to cling to those. Within arm's reach of her on the box was a small bowl full of Jissou food pellets and a bottle of water. She would be given all the food and water she wanted, was in a climate-controlled room, and would never cause trouble again. Everybody would be happy.

Or so you would think. You can't please everybody, you know.

“DEEEE! SHIT HUMAN CRUEL DESU! GIVE ME BACK MY LEGS DEE-SUU!” The box Jissou screamed at Alfonso, veins bulging and teeth bared. One detail caught Alfonso's eyes: both of the Jissou's eyes were red. The last time he had been in the same room as the Jissou, she had one green eye and one red eye. She had just given birth recently. She would not notice the babies as much since her hips and the orifice the babies come out of had been removed.

Alfonso opened a tiny window to the drawer below her with a gentle pull. Within the metal tray that usually stored feces were fat little Jissou maggots. They had waken up on their own, and the relative lack of fecal trails indicated that they had been concious for less than a few minutes. “Perfect timing” thought Alfonso to himself. However, he had a problem. He needed more, about twice as many grubs than were in the pan.

When the screaming Jissou mother's eyes had gone back to their natural, mismatched configuration, Alfonso added a few drops of red dye to her green left eye. The Jissou-in-the-Box tensed up and started pounding on the box with her arms. She glared at Alfonso and bared her teeth.

“STOP MAKE ME HAVE BABIES DESU!” She screamed. A creak emmited from the box below her. Through the box, Alfonso could hear the grub's muffled cooing and barking. Her face became wrinkled and the red and green blood vessels in her forehead became visible as she strained to hold her babies in.

Alfonso saw the mother's efforts to keep her babies in and responded the way anybody would have in that situation. He started playing the mother Jissou's head like a bongo drum. Each tap made a thump as it impacted on her head.

“STOP DESU! I NOT DRUM DESU! STOP HITTING HEAD DESU! I NOT FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS DESU!”

After “playing” the Jissou for about a minute, Alfonso head a *shlup* as a baby grub slid out of the mother. It was followed by another. And another. In all, about 20 maggots were born in this one litter. When the last grub came out, Alfonso gently opened the drawer, only to be greeted by that oh-so-familiar sound that I'm sure everybody's DYING to hear again.

“Punipuni.”

“Refu- refu-...”

“A Mr. Man refu?”

“Refu- refu-...

“Please rub tummy refu!”

“Refu- refu-...”

“Hungry refu-.”

“Refu- refu-...”

“Bright refu-.”

“Reffu- refu-...”

“What red thing refu?”

“Refu- refu-...”

“Pink thing look yummy refu-.”

“Refu- reffu-...”

About 40 maggots lay in the drawer. The newly born grubs lay on top of the grubs that had been born just before Alfonso entered the room. However, to his delight, he saw another figure among the confused squirming maggots. It meant he did not have to find one in the cages for the “Birthday Surprise.”

“Maggot-chan, hold still rechi.”

A little Thumb-chan scurried from on top of a pile of maggots to help one of her siblings get down to the floor. She was trying to get the piles of maggots onto the drawer floor so that she could guide them around in a search for food.

Carefully, Alfonso removed the drawer from the box and replaced with a fresh one. He carried the drawer full of Jissou larvae back into the kitchen. As the door closed behind him he heard the Jissou box scream.

“GIVE BACK MY BABIES DESU! YOU HURT THEM, I KILL YOU DESU! SHIT HUMAN GIVE ME BACK...” Her cries were silenced by the door shutting behind Alfonso.

Back in the kitchen, Alfonso went about stripping the grubs of their clothes and setting them down on the incomplete pizza. They were slightly surprised that their clothes were removed, but then they settled down when they lapped up the tomato sauce that oozed out of the cheese layer beneath their stubby little feet.

“No! Give back clothes refu!”

“Ah-re?”

“Red stuff yummy refu!”

“Maggot-chan happy refu-!”

When all the grubs had settled down and were enjoying the pizza they stood on, Alfonso picked up the thumb-chan. It had started crying when its little sisters started vanishing one by one. Thankfully, it relaxed when Alfonso placed it in the center of the pizza, where its little siblings frolicked and ate to their hearts' content.

With this, Alfonso held the little stubby arms of the baby Jissou, raised them as high as they would go, and said to the little child, “No matter what happens, do not put down your arms, and do not move from that spot. Okay? If you can do this, you and all your little sisters will become my favorite pets.”

“What about mama rechi?”

“Mama likes it here. This is her home. Remember, just hold your arms up as high as they will go, no matter what happens.”

With that, Alfonso placed the pizza on the conveyor belt that lead into the oven. What awaited the 41 baby Jissou were temperatures of 515° Fahrenheit for about five minutes. Alfonso went to fulfil other orders by customers.

--
Oya was a little Thumb-chan. She was only about five minutes old, at the most, and even in the warm belly of her mother, she knew she had one purpose during this stage of her life: take care of Maggot-chan. Her first memories were exiting the warm safe womb and plopping down onto a cold metal plate. All around her were Maggot-chan, stacked on top of one another. She tried to help one of them down to the floor when she saw his face, shrouded in the beautiful light of daylight. She knew not who he was, and yet she knew what he was. The face was that of a Mr. Man.

Deep inside, she knew that his presence meant happiness, a home, shelter, and love. She felt an overwhelming desire build up inside of her. A desire to know that Mr. Man. To try and win his affection. She felt a conflict inside her very core. She found herself torn between her duty to defend and watch after Maggot-chan and her desire to win Mr. Man's heart. She felt, somehow, she could accomplish both if she tried to win Mr. Man's affection.

However, she had bigger things to worry about. Mr. Man was picking up Maggot-chan and placing them somewhere else. She found herself powerless to watch as the number of her worm-like siblings dwindle from 40 to 30 to 20 to 10 to 5 to 2 until she was standing alone, by herself in the metal drawer she had spent her several minute life in. She began to cry, and she felt a little poop leak out into her panties. Then, Mr. Man turned back to her. She felt he heart skip a beat when she saw her siblings in a sea of food, licking at the red sauce happily. Then she felt a stab of joy when she saw Mr. Man's face again. He lifted her arms into the air and spoke in a deep, soothing voice.

“No matter what happens, do not put down your arms, and do not move from that spot. Okay? If you can do this, you and all your little sisters will become my favorite pets.”

Oya's hopes soared higher and higher. Just do one simple task and Mr. Man will take care of her and her siblings forever! Oh happy day! But what about Mama? She didn't know who her mama was, but she was inside her and knew that for her to exist, she had to have had a mama.

“What about Mama rechi?”

“Mama likes it here. This is her home. Remember, just hold your arms up as high as they will go, no matter what happens.”

Satisfied to know that her mother was happy here, she held her little arms up with pride. She closed her little eyes as she imagined the life she would live with Mr. Man. Lots of yummy edible things she hadn't learned the words for yet. Watching all 40 of the Maggot-chan get big, healthy, and strong. Becoming a mother and raising a cluster of maggots and thumb-chan of her own. Falling asleep in Mr. Man's lap as he read the evening paper. Just then, her happy daydream was interrupted by a sudden jerk and the sensation of moving.

Oya opened her eyes in shock. The soft place she was standing on was definitely moving. She heard many strange sounds emanating below the dough plate below them. When she looked further, she saw row upon row of shiny horizontal cylinders.The plate was being rolled somewhere. Just then, she felt a tug on her dress.

“Why moving refu?”

It was one of her little sisters. The grub looked up at Oya questioningly with its mismatched button-like eyes. Oya was shocked how pudgy and fat a maggot's little face is. Normally,their clothes cover up a large portion of their faces. With the little maggot being naked, she saw that her little sister has cheeks almost as big as hers! An the body, wow! Maggots have rolls of fat! The little maggot's tongue stuck out of its tiny mouth as it panted in the anticipation of a response.

She replied to the little maggot.

“Don't know rechiii...”

The grub crawled away to resume playtime with its worm-like siblings. Oya changed her focus to the other maggots. They were busy frolicking and rolling around on the yellow-ish white strips floating on the red sauce below them. Suddenly, they found themselves covered with more of the strips as a Ms Lady sprinkled it on them. A few of the maggots started nibbling on the white strips.

“Delicious refu!”

“Yummy refu!”

“Refu refu.”

“Punipuni”

“Please rub belly refu!”

“Food fall from sky refu! Maggot-chan happy refu-!”

The jubilation ground to a sudden halt when Oya felt a blast of hot air from her left side. She turned her head to look and suddenly filled her panties with greenish sludge. About 1 foot ahead of them was a large shiny grey cave. The air shimmered within. From where she was standing, Oya saw red coils on the sides and walls of the cavern. It looked very dangerous.

Out of the group, only Oya appeared scared for her life. The maggots, being true to form, were completely oblivious of the danger they were in. She tried her best to warn them. She waved her arms up and down, and started screaming at the top of her lungs.

“RECHAAAA! UP AHEAD RECHI! RUN AWAY RECHI!”

The little maggots didn't even pause to hear their sister. They were too busy munching away on the strips of cheese to notice. One looked up and tried to silence their screaming overseer.

“Onee-chan calm down refu-. Try food refu-.”

Oya's panic increased even more when she realized that they were getting closer and closer to the cave of scorching heat. In the blasts of heat, she felt a chill run up her tiny spine. She came to realization that she would not be able to save all the Maggot-chan. She had to act fast. She would drop as many as she could to the floor and then she would escape with one grub in her arms, to make sure that at least one grub survived. She put her plan into action. She disobeyed Mr. Man's command to keep her hands up in the air, but she came to the conclusion that Mr. Man was not intending to follow through with his promise at this point. Getting a home with Mr. Man is not worth being burnt alive for.

She suddenly found, to her horror, that she could not move her legs. Mr. Man had placed her in a soft part of the pizza, and Oya's feet slowly sank into the dough without her knowledge. To make matters worse, she had sank into the dough as deep as her knees. She could not move, plain and simple. Her face went blue as she thrashed about, trying to free herself. Her panties would have exploded with poo, but she had expelled all the waste in her intestinal tract. All she could do was fart, making a *pbt* into the moist sludge filling her panties. A little bit of the excrement splattered on her back.

“NO RECHAA! HELP ME RECHAA! I STUCK RECHAAA! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME RECHAAA! NOT WANT TO DIE RECHAAAAAAA!”

Her high pitched cries for help fell on deaf ears. The maggots were just now realizing that they were being hit by an incredibly hot draft.

“Hot refu.”

“Why hot refu?”

“Onee-chan need calm down refu-.”

“Onee-chan leaking refu-.”

“Too hot refu...”

Finally, the conveyor belt carried the pizza to the oven. With a sudden jerk, the pizza made the transfer from the belt to the oven. The heat was unbearable at this point. Now even the maggots were panicking. Several started complaining after their stubby little feet got burnt on the now melting cheese.

“Too hot repya!”

“REEEEEEE!”

“Hot repya!”

“Maggot-chan not liking refu! Belly hot refu!”

Oya was even more terrified when the door on the oven slid down over the entrances, trapping them inside. The sweet kiss of daylight was replaced with the harsh reddish glow of the electric heating coils.The cheese below Oya and the maggots started melting, and even started bubbling in some places. Oya screamed as the burning hot cheese wrapped its gooey deliciousness around her thighs.Some of the maggots tried to expel waste in their terror, but the melting cheese had seared their little slits shut.

“RECHAAA!”

“REPYAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Too hot repyaaaaaa!”

“Too hot, can't poop repya!”

About a minute after being placed in the oven, things really began to heat up. She was blinking heavily, as the water in her eyes immediately evaporated when exposed to the intensely hot air. The air around Oya was shimmering so much that the maggots around her seemed to disappear into a quivering, screaming, reddish pink blob.

“Houne hurnin lehu!”

“HELP REFU!”

“MAMA!”

“SAVE REFU!”

Suddenly, a strong gush of superheated air hit Oya. She looked down in horror to see her cloths on fire. She screamed as the burning clothes left scorch-marks on her soft pale pink skin. However, there were even worse things she was going through. Along with her clothes catching fire, her auburn hair, the two locks in the back and the one tuft up front, simply melted or disintegrated into ash. It would be the same effect as a person getting too close to a fire and come out missing their eyebrows. On top of this, the waste in Oya's panties began boiling and the dried waste started burning. She screamed at that top of her lungs as her buttocks, pubis, and inner thighs were seared by roasting sewage.The tears streaming down her face evaporated before they even made it to the level of her mouth.

“RECHAAAAAAAAAAA! IT HURTS REPYEEEN! SOMEONE HELP ME RECHAAAAA!”

The maggots weren't faring much better. Their hair had been utterly destroyed in the same fashion as Oya's by the heat. In addition, they suddenly found that their little legs and bellies were trapped in the hot cheese. They could not even struggle, for the heat had seared the nerves in their legs, paralysing them.

“Hot refu!”

“Re... Ree... Reeeee...”

“Can't move, refuu...”

Suddenly, Oya felt a churning in her belly. She knew what was happening. The stress of seeing her sisters suffer, her own suffering, her clothes and hair catching fire, and the searing pain around her butt manifested itself in an emergency pregnancy.

“No! I don't want to be mama now repyeeen! No! Stay inside rechaaa! Please don't come out rechaaaaaaa!!”

The maggots within her were all too anxious to escape the heat of the mother's belly. It was getting hotter by the second and they could not take much more.They did not know that the beautiful world that they thought awaited them was more like something out of Hell. Oya screamed in pain as the partially cooked muscles of her lower abdomen contracted to force the babies out. One push, and three tiny maggots, each the size of the head of a pin, fell into the hot cheese below them.

“Tettere~!”

“Tettere~!”

“Tettere~!”

The firstborn maggot landed in the bubbling cheese below Oya. It screamed for help in a tiny voice.

“e-yaaaaaaaaaaah!”

The other two grublets balanced on the first born, pushing it down deeper into the cheese. Oya knew that unless she did something, her newborn babies would die. She heard a creaking sound as she bent down slowly to pick them up. Her muscles were partially cooked, and the joints in her hips were dry from having the water boil out of the cartilage. Still, she managed to pick up two of her babies by the tail. They kicked about happily as she slowly lifted them into the air. The other child sank into the tomato sauce, its cries of pain silenced when a flow of molten cheese covered it, simultaneously suffocating it and searing its lungs at the same time.

“e-u!”

“fun e-u!”

Oya was going to raise her babies above her head, where the air was cooler. They would have a chance to survive then. Like her previous plans, this one failed. She got them above her head, but then the muscles in her arms were cooked completely, permanently freezing them in place.

“No rechi! No! Move rechi! MOVE RECHI! It's no use repyeeen! Somebody please help me reghiiiiiiiii!”

Suddenly, a second blast of superheated air hit the thumb-chan and her two babies. The air was so hot that the grublets didn't even have time to scream before being incinerated. Their carbonized shadows were burned into their mother's scalp. The blast of air also dried Oya's eyelids out, freezing her eyes open. Her left ear drum was completely destroyed by the blast, and her right had received extreme heat damage. She couldn't even close her eyes to get away from the horror unfolding inside that oven.

Finally, six agonizing minutes later, the doors opened and the cooked pizza rolled out of the oven. Through some cruel miracle, all of the maggots were still alive, thrashing about, screaming for help from the bubbling cheese. Oya, however, was cooked completely through. Every muscle in her body had been burnt to a crisp. Her once soft, pale pink skin was now a crispy golden brown. On her head were two grub-shaped burn marks, the carbonized shadows of her two newborn pups. Below her, the charred remains of Oya's first-born lay under a layer of molten cheese. To make matters worse, Oya had more babies inside of her. One pup sealed them in, however, when the heat seared its soft flesh to Oya's cervix. Trapped, they all eventually were burnt into the walls of the pulsating organ in which they were formed, now cooked black.

Oya was amazed and disappointed to find that despite being burnt so horribly, she was still alive. She could not even feel the breeze as somebody picked up the pizza and began moving it, for all the nerves in her body had been utterly destroyed. She didn't feel anything when the Mr. Man who stuck her in the pizza oven stabbed two toothpicks through her roasted hands, each topped with a little flag that read “Happy Birthday!” She did not feel the sudden movement of the pizza being transferred to a plate. She did not feel the vibration of footsteps of the waitress as she carried the pizza to the customers' table.

Although she was too numb to feel anything other than scorching pain, she could still see and hear to an extent. She saw the face of a human family. They had gathered around the table. One of them, a little Mr. Man, looked in hungered amazement as he examined the pizza. Out of the corner of her scorched eyes, Oya could see the blurry outlines of her still-squirming siblings. She was still alive. And Maggot-chan were still alive. There was hope yet.

Oya felt a desire, still strong, to try and win over the little Mr. Man. Maybe he would take pity on her. Maybe he would take her home and nurse her back to health. Maybe he would help Maggot-chan. Oya tried to slip into a day dream of the life she would lead with the little Mr. Man, but those parts of her tiny brain had simply been too badly cooked to function.

Through her severely scorched right ear, she hear something akin to a song. Everybody at the table sang it. She could just barely make out the muffled lyrics.

“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Ha-ppy Birthday dear Tommy,
Happy Birthday to you!”

An older man and woman cut in.

“And many more~.”

She did not know what those words meant, but she tried to imitate them as best as she could, to win them over.

“Ha-ppy bir-th-day re...”

Her world slowly faded away, and with it, the memories of her short life on Earth. Of her first few moments with her little sisters, the journey through Hell they took, and then of the simple song she heard. Finally, the memory of who she was and what her purpose was in life faded away until there was nothing but an empty shell. A hollow, burnt, empty shell. Her lifeless mismatched eyes bore silent witness to little Tommy taking a bite out of the first slice of the Uji-tacular Pizza, cutting short the lives of three Jissou grubs, in the celebration of his sixth birthday.

--
Ding! Ding! The young waitress, clad in a green maid's outfit and faux Jissou ears, rang the bell on the counter dividing the family friendly façade of the restaurant and the harsh, brutal reality of the kitchens.

-Fin.
Post number No.9269
Board Literature
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