"Why can't I pick up anyone at this bar"

My wingman replies, "You dumbass. :) Girls don't want a pickup artist, they want an honest man. See that hot chick at the bar? Just go tell her what you want."

When I sit down next to her, she barely glances up. Here I go: "I'm not going to buy you a drink." She turns and looks at me disdainfully. "What I really want to do is bash your skull in with a crowbar."

Her eyes narrow in thought. "Do you *have* a crowbar?" I nod.

She calls to the bartender. "Close out my tab, and put this guy's on my card. And keep the card. I won't need it any more."