>>11042
Thanks for the critique Onix. I get what you're saying, no one wants to read clunky exposition during their fapfics. But without wanting to sound overly defensive: is there really much difference between what I've done, i.e explaining first then getting to it, and what you're proposing, which is doing it and then explaining it to the reader after? To me it seems much of a muchness.

I do think that having Mel flat out state up front that she's doing it to pay of debts is something that could be changed or improved on, perhaps leaving it more ambiguous as to why she's putting on her little shows.

Hope you can enjoy the other chapters to come!