Okay, so now another, frankly egoistic, reason to why I've posted that unfinished story now... I've written this whole wall of text that doesn't even has to do with guro, and well... I hope now that you've read a text that you hopefully enjoyed, maybe as a thanks you can also read this another text that I would enjoy if you've read it (also don't want to beg for comments, but how else I would know if you have...)

Actually, I was writing it in /g/'s alteration thread at first as it was continuation of my rambling about lack of Kirishima Mana content over there, but the new part of rambling grew too big already, and then I've also added a story idea on top of that. So it would fit much better here in /lit/ (I don't think it worth creating a thread in /dis/ and no one would read it there anyway).

So, here it goes:

(the rambling part)

Actually I've just rewatched a couple of scenes from Girlfriend of Steel on youtube and it seems the image of it I had in my memory was much much better. Characters don't act like themselves, the plot and dialogs are silly, even the actors sound like they don't take it seriously... like it is all some cheap piece of fanfiction, almost as bad as that third Rebuild movie (btw what happened to continuing it? Have Anno commited seppuku after realizing what shit he has filmed?) Mana's voice was also much nicer in my memory, in reality it came off as kinda annoying and overdoing trying not to sound like Rei but even then not always managing. I mean, come on, with all the variety of characters Hayashibara have voiced, clearly she can do better. But it sounds like she didn't even try, none of the staff did, because no one was taking it seriously (maybe the actors didn't care because they realized the writing was crap anyway?)
Then I've also watched that new ending from the special edition and it was complete bullshit, even worse then the rest of the game. I mean, I'm all for a happy ending, but the implementation was a total ass-pull. Shinji gets drunk on coffee and then somehow everything works out by itself and they live happily ever after. What a wonderful lesson, let's all get drunk and hope for the best! That writing was even worse than the rest of the game. Also by the time since the initial release Hayashibara, with all my respect for her, seemed to have forgotten she wasn't voicing Rei this time. Like, they told her "here we have this another Evangelion job for you" and she was like "ah, sure, done that 100 times, won't even ask for details, just give me the lines". Because Mana in this ending sounds so much more like Rei than in the rest of the game, like she doesn't even try to differentiate this time. When I played the game for the first time I haven't even realized Mana was voiced by the same actress. When I watched that new ending on youtube and Mana spoke I could close my eyes and vividly picture Rei saying them, somewhat OOC Rei like in GOS2, but still I could easier picture Rei speak so than Mana.
So, it would seem all of that fondness for Mana was just for the image of her in my head, huh.Damn that's disappointing. And that would probably explain why there is so little content with her, if others' imagination doesn't sugarcoat her the same was mine does. So I should probably go and write something about that Mana from my head by myself. Some day.

Actually, I had one such idea in mind...

Untitled Kirishima Mana idea

No guro

I've even wrote a couple of pages, though I don't really like them, so will likely rewrite anyway... so that story is supposed to be set in a world with no Angels and all that stuff, Shinji is just an ordinary schoolboy, a shy one, sure, but he's not depressed and is pretty happy with his life. He probably lives with his parents who are both alive and while his father seem to care more for his job, whatever it might be, than for his son, he gets enough love and attention from his mother to compensate and grow a psychologically healthy child. Well, maybe a bit more childish and less manly then average boys his age because of being raised mainly by his mother. So, all in all, sounds kinda similar to that alternate reality shown in the last episode of the series. Though I'm not sure where to put Rei and Asuka. The Lina Rei from that same episode isn't Rei enough for my taste, not to say her role as a transfer student is already occupied by Mana. What for Asuka, I wouldn't want her to interfere with Shinji and Mana's romance. So at some point I even thought: okay, so maybe Rei and Asuka aren't even Shinji's classmates in this world, and instead they're... Mana's children!
But yeah, since it's a story about Mana, let's finally get to her... though before that I should probably have to say a couple more words about the world. The world it is set in is more casual about sex then ours, but not one of those where everyone has sex all the time. Say, neither Shinji or Gendo mind that Fuyutsuki is having sex with Yui, as it's just part of them being good friends. But despite of being aware of that sex, or maybe because of it - because it is nothing special, Shinji is not interested in it at all. Just like seeing his father always wearing glasses wouldn't make Shinji interested in glasses, but instead get so used to them he won't even notice his father wearing it and won't pay attention to glasses on other people too. Makes sense? Okay, so then there's Mana who is totally opposite. As a child she saw some beautiful porn movie (hm, just occurred to me, what if it featured Shinji's mother when she was younger? Would then explain Mana's instant interest in Shinji) and got so impressed she wanted to become a porn actress herself to bring joy to people. And a porn actress in this world is as much a respectable profession as a normal actress. Actually, I think I wrote it as 'porn idol', not porn actress, the implication being she does all kinds of sexual and erotic stuff, not only films. Like maybe she actually sings, and she can sing with a vibrator in her or even while being fucked on the stage. Or take part in various crazy Japanese TV shows, where in this world all the fictional shows from Japanese porn can be part of normal TV. Or hold an event for her fans where she would let them fuck her. Or go have sex with hobos as a form of charity. All kinds of fun stuff. So, back to Mana. Since the profession is as good as any other in this world, she had all the support from her parents. But she would still have to reach some legal age first, even if it is lower then in real world. Most girls who wanted to become porn idols would settle on that, well maybe gaining unofficial experience in the meanwhile, but Mana's dream to bring joy to people was so strong, she studied all the related details very carefully and found a loophole in the law, probably a recent change that no one else have yet seem to realize. At some point I was thinking these recent changes might be connected to the Second Impact, though I'm not sure now because as I said there are no Angels and NERV in this world, so probably there were no second impact either. Anyway, the new laws were:
1. The age when a person is considered to be legally adult is lowered to 16 years old. The goal of this law being to help the economy suffering after the Third Impact. Many kids had to work anyway, now they could at least do so legally.
2. The legality of filming in porn is also lowered to 16 years old just to be consistent.
3. Marriage age is lowered to 16 without parental consent and 14/12 for boys/girls with parental consent (Alternatively just 14 for everyone regardless of gender and parental consent). Marriage gives you a legal adult status.
4. Age restrictions for marriage don't apply if the couple has a baby (might still need parental consent, not sure on that).
(added after I've written more of this wall of text: the age of consent is also lowered to maybe 12 or even 10 years old... but that doesn't matter for a couple of consenting kids anyway)
Now, the trick is that while the law number 2 was thought by most as just lowering the age for porn from 18 years old to 16, the actual wording of it was not referring to any age specifically and instead to the legal status of adult. Probably so that they don't have to change the 2nd law every time they want to change the 1st one. They weren't thinking of how the 3rd and 4th laws would link in, as those weren't passed yet. And when they passed those, they weren't thinking of the 2nd one either. Instead, the purpose of the 3rd one was, obviously, to be consistent with lower legal adult age from the 1st law. And the purpose of the 4th was that a girl who happened to give birth a couple of days before her own 12th/14th birthday isn't left behind. No one foresaw that a determined enough little girl (somewhere around 8 to 10 years old) would purpousfully get pregnant so that she can marry by the 4th law so that she can become adult by the 3rd law so that she can be filmed in porn by the 2nd law.
And yes, as you have guessed, that little girl was Mana. Her friends Musashi and Keita (that were their names?) helped her get pregnant. And a bit overdid it, as she gave birth to twins, one fathered by Musashi, the other by Keita. Then either marriage of more than 2 people is also legal. Or the court decides for this special occasion that since they are both willing to marry her and it is not their fault that they can't both do so (and it also wouldn't be fair to let one of them marry her but not the other), it is decided to give all the three the status of adults even if they are not married. The third option, of course, is that the law doesn't require marriage in the first place and a girl can get a status of an adult just by giving birth to a baby, but that way the whole scheme would look less ingenious, hence less likely Mana was the only one to come up with it. Then again, maybe her father had some high position and actually helped promote these laws just so that his daughter could fulfill her dream? Dunno.
Anyway, legally married or not, Musashi and Keita live with Mana and help her raise the children, but at the same time don't mind her having romantic relationship with someone else (like she's going to have with Shinji), not to say they don't mind her having all the sex with everyone both for her job and for fun. They're in it because they're Mana's good friends and want to help her fulfill her dream and be happy. And, after they've already in it, for the children's sake too.
And thus, at about 8-10 years old Mana becomes the first legal underage porn idol. No surprise by the time she's 14 by the start of the story she's already very famous. So when she transfers to Shinji's class, the guys interested in porn immediately recognize her. Though Shinji isn't among those guys as he never gave porn any more regard than those boring newspapers. Then... well, I have a dilemma here... because one part of me wants it to be a vanilla romantic story with Mana's career and having children being just other background details about her like her liking mountains and light clothes. Or like... when Mana gave Shinji that pendant, was I the only one who thought it was weird for a girl to give a boy a piece of jewelry and not the other way around? Maybe there can jewelry suited for guys, but that pendant totally looked like it would better look on a girl. But I don't think anyone in the game thought of it from that perspective. Like when Kaji noticed that pendant and how Shinji looked at it, he said "have your girlfriend gave it to it? As a thirty year old experienced man I can tell it from how you look at it" or something along those lines, like it was totally natural. So, the same casual attitude Shinji would have for facts about Mana. Like even if they're already dating for some time and they he discovers she is a porn idol and has children, he wouldn't feel like it is important enough so that she should have told him before. Not more so that if he discovered, say, that she studies French. "Okay, cool, though I'm more into German" would be a normal reply, or maybe even "Okay, so what?". Not "Why haven't you told me before, that changes everything, we can't be together now, I can't believe you were lying to me all that time". So the same would be his reaction to her having children. "Oh, they're so cute, I like children. Do you happen to know who their father is? Oh, two different fathers? And they're your good friends? Cool, I'd like to meet them, I bet they're nice guys".
Erm, so where was I anyway?.. Right, I said that was what one part of me wanted to write it like. The other part has already written a couple of pages that are closer to those "everyone has sex everywhere" concepts... it starts with Mana introducing herself and everyone in the class, safe for Shinji, recognizing her. Shinji understands she's someone famous and feels uncomfortable that he doesn't know, especially as she tries to befriend him. So at the first break, as Mana is surrounded by fans, Shinji asks Kensuke, who explains that Mana is a sex idol. Then on the next lesson Kaji is their teacher and he appears to also be a fan of hers, especially those films where she had sex with teachers. The actually written part ends here, but the idea was that Mana is kind enough to give him a blowjob during class. And when she returns to her sit, next to Shinji, with cum on her face, he realizes that the unusual but not unpleasant perfume he smelled from her is actually not perfume, but smell of cum. He maybe wouldn't admit he liked the smell if he knew what it was from the beginning, but since he has already concluded that he liked it, it would be silly to back out now. Anyway, later on the long break Mana would service everyone in the class who wants and remain all covered in cum for the rest of the lessons. After which Shinji will give her a tour around the school or maybe around the city, while she's still covered in cum. Also somewhere in between she would take off her panties and give them to one of the boys in the class, probably Touji or Kensuke. Also on one of the shorter breaks she would ask Shinji to show her where the toilet is in the school, speaking of which I was thinking of how maybe toilets, locker rooms and such are not separate for boys and girls in this world, so when Shinji brings her to the toilet, he doesn't consider leaving because being in a toilet with a girl is nothing special, so he just waits for her inside. But then a couple of other boys come in, see Mana, recognize her as a porn idol (actually, thinking again, did I have it as 'porn idol' or 'sex idol' in my writing? Now I think it was sex idol, but whatever) and ask her if they can pee in her mouth and/or on her face and of course they can. Shinji, watching it, of course just thinks how cool Mana is, no different from if she was a singer and he heard her sing.
But anyway, the thing is, with so much already happening in the first day, there would be no room to go further...
So now I'm thinking I should try to combine these by... let's say, while many boys (and girls) recognize Mana and are fans of hers, they joyfully ask her for autographs and buy her new films, it might take some time, like a week, before it comes to someone's head to ask her to have sex with them. Like if she was a singer everyone might want to listen to her singing, but not everyone would just come and ask "hey, can we sing together? even though you're the famous singer and I've only sang once with my little sister before". And then it would take more time before more people would join until it ends up in her having sex with everyone in school on her every step, but that happening far from day one and growing gradually. And in the meanwhile as gradually grows her relationship with Shinji.
The real problem here is while I want it to be a vanilla romance with porn kinda being on background, I have no idea how to write vanilla romance. Like, at all.
Maybe there should be some plot beside it, like set it in the original Evangelion world (with NERV and Angels, but also with these new laws, now justified by the Second Impact), so that whenever I'm stuck, another Angel attacks and the characters have to deal with it and from that the plot is moving and somehow the characters' relationships progress along the way. But then again I also don't want any of the dark topics that come with NERV and all its secrets.
Speaking of the world without NERV and Angels though, I now think there is a way to fit Rei and Asuka in it without them being Mana's children (so Mana's children would just be original characters). Asuka can be Shinji's childhood friend, just like in the ep26 world, but with no romantic or sexual interest in him, which she might have for Kaji instead. This way she won't stand between him and Mana. As for Rei, she might actually be Shinji's twins sister! Why not? Or, to justify her different surname, she can be Yui's little sister (in Rebuild Ayanami is actually Yui's surname before she married Gendo, who, in Rebuild, was always Ikari). Or, if, whatever Gendo's (or Yui's) job is, it deals with advanced biology and genetics and such, Rei might actually be Yui's clone, and her being Yui's little sister is only the cover. It's just she wasn't created to fight Angels or carry Lilith's soul or anything, but just as an experiment on human cloning.

Well, anyway... any thoughts, comments, suggestions, that kind of stuff, are welcome.