>>16360
Huh, I didn't even remember I had that one. To be honest, I'm not very happy with how it turned out. The start is very nice, but somehow half the way through I've found myself having no idea where to go with it. And in such a short story! One would imagine it's impossible not to write it all in one go. Yet somehow not only I've managed to need several takes, but also on the way lost my vision of what I wanted that story to be. Shame on me.

>>16370
Thanks!
I've written Die Young mostly in two big chunks, the dialogue part and the actual hanging part, and it's probably really obvious how the quality varies, isn't it?
In the dialogue part Len indeed takes too much time to get to the point. The idea behind it was to justify the later dialogue talking about how much effort he put into convincing Rin. But Rin also makes a point about how she didn't have to be convinced, which meant that for the sake of the dialogue existing Len had to talk a lot of nonsense without getting to the point. Believe it or not, it could have been worse, as at some point I've written a whole other part of dialogue where Rin now tried to convince Len how he should let her die with him while he hesitated to do so after learning that she didn't really want to die. Not those lines you quoted, but something almost as long as Len's part and equally horrible. Since then not only I've ditched that second part of the dialogue, but rewritten the first part as well. Now it's slightly less horrible. But it's been a year since I've written the first version and half a year since the second version, and when I look at it now again it makes me cringe. It makes me want to ditch it all and rewrite from scratch again, but then I would never have it finished, so I decided just not to look at it while working on the hanging part. Another thing is all the sex and game, especially game, parts inside that dialogue, the idea was to make it all casual, but I don't think it worked that well, it seems like all it really does is distracts from the dialogue, as if the dialogue isn't horrible enough by itself, that distraction makes it even harder to digest.
The hanging part though. Starting with "The abrupt pain made Len’s vision go blurry…" A few more months passed after I've written the first part, then I started writing this second part without looking at the first part, actually I was away from my PC and writing on my phone, that was a nightmare on its own, but I was suddenly feeling inspired, so I just poured out whatever came to my mind. I was actually writing that part originally in Russian before translating in into English, so I could more immediately turn my thoughts into text, without losing chain of thoughts while looking for the right English words. So it ended up almost like a completely separate story. There are still some repetitive bits, but the idea behind it is to revel in the twins' emotions. And I think it accomplishes it well, though maybe it works much better on myself because I know for sure what emotions I've put there, and it's as much enjoying the story itself as reliving the pleasure of writing it. There was another significant pause of a month or two between the inspiration surge and getting the last few paragraphs finished, so those might feel a bit less inspired, I guess. But all it all I still love the hanging part of the story much more than the dialogue part. The first part just makes me cringe and want to redo it, the second part I myself find to be very enjoyable to read.

> I also really appreciate stories where twins actively take steps to erase their individual identities in favor of the romanticism of living together as twins. And not to please some third figure, but for its own sake. For each others' sake.
Oh, that reminds me I had that other unfinished story about twins, that I haven't touched for… almost two years now? Wow the time sure is merciless.
It starts like this:
> You want to know why such a seemingly ordinary girl as us – sorry, here I go again – as me often speaks of herself in plural? Well, that’s pretty simple really: when we were kids, there were indeed two of us. Me and my twin brother.
Then it also takes forever to get to the action and I've abandoned it right before the action starts. Which makes it pretty similar to Die Young, huh? I should probably try to get it finished too.
Someday.
Right now my thoughts are somehow back on that little Suspicious Silence story. Like maybe add a bit more details here and there, maybe Flower didn't just play with her intestines, but kept pulling her insides out until she torn out her own heart? Maybe Asami even gets in time to see it beat a couple of last times before stopping in Flower's hand. Who's to say it didn't happen just a second before she came in, after all. With that in mind, maybe Miku's last dance also ends when Asami is already there, just like Len's twitching on his game controller. Also I want to revel in Len and Rin's situation a bit more. No matter how many times I think back to it, it's so damn hot. They're just having casual fun together, him playing the game and her rooting for him, and they disregard death so much that it doesn't even stop them keeping doing what they were doing, like they didn't even notice that they've died. Though that actually applies to all of the characters, I guess you can say that's the main idea of the story.