I'll be a bit more encouraging, because there's some positives, like the attention to detail. Clearly you've spent some time dreaming up this scenario, and it could be the basis for a good little tale.

But the critics' harsh words above are true though. So here's my suggestions.

1. It's a formidable wall of text. You need to break it down into paragraphs. Each paragraph should be like a self contained mini scenario. In my own writing, I tend to use very small paragraphs, sometimes just a sentence or two. Others make them longer. It's probably a matter of style, but you need to have some to break up the otherwise unrelenting text.

2. I can't see a single comma. Punctuation is important, as it further breaks up the text into easily processable chunks. Maybe when you read it, it seems okay, but try to put yourself in the position of someone who is coming to it fresh.

3. Again, partly due to (lack of) punctuation, the rhythm of your writing is kinda dull. It's just one descriptive sentence after another, try varying the pace and structure of the sentences to make it flow in a more conversational way.

4. As the other guy mentioned, switching from third to first person doesn't work here. I think it would work well in the first person throughout, getting inside the head of the victim, so to speak.

5. I'm not a professional writer or anything, just doing a bit for fun. So I'm not above looking stuff up if I'm not sure. For instance, if I was you I'd google "using paragraphs" and take that advice on board. I've done this loads of times in my own writing, every time I'm not sure about a word, I look it up, and look for alternatives.
The same goes for punctuation, structure, using dialog etc. This way I've expanded my vocabulary, and hopefully improved my writing a bit. I still make mistakes, but I'm trying to improve.

6. Just a minor thing really, don't use numerals for small numbers in the text. It's kinda ugly. Spell them out "Alexander was a small boy aged eleven, although he looked like he was only nine."

7. Keep writing. Like I say, there is promise in what you're writing, and the anonymity of the internet makes it easy for others to be harshly critical, but I say keep at it.