>>16807

>I like how you did the exposition in this chapter, having us see things from Chloe's perspective and giving us her thoughts instead of just explaining it directly.

Yes, it was a bit of an experiment. I was going to try to do the whole chapter like that (after being inspired by another writer), but found it too difficult / restrictive. So I kinda bailed out. I think it worked out okay though. I'll try to do that some more in later chapters.

>We also know a little about the girls and why they're there from the earlier chapters, and it's nice that you trust the reader to remember this instead of spoon-feeding us the boring (but necessary) background info.

Well, I didn't think it would be so long before we met them – they were fist mentioned in chap. 5. But people kept giving me extra characters to snuff first! Dave was supposed to deliver them in ch. 7, but some bastard landed me with those nightmare Japanese girls to deal with – Muki and Yuki or whatever the hell their names were.

>The inclusion of the two younger, innocent, girls makes for some extra psychological torment for the others, and I'm really into that.

I'm trying to think more about personality differences, and different relationships in the story to add a bit of extra interest. But I'm not really a people-person. As far as I'm concerned, there are two types of girl in this story, crunchy and squishy. I'll do my best though. I don't have any relationships, but I did see a picture of one once. Anyway, somebody here should know who those two are (even though their names got lost in the editing, and the person who suggested them has probably died of old age by now)…

>Excited to see where you're going with the six other deaths,

So am I! I keep changing my mind…

>keep up the good work!

Thankyou! I've got most of the chapters up to around ch. 20 planned out to some degree. I'm idly thinking about the next story too… Hopefully that one will be a bit more focussed, consistent, and maybe have some kind of plot. I've learned a lot from writing this one, and kinda view it as a sand-box practice session now.