It starts getting better ;)

Speaking about suggestions it is probably too late to say that, but I suggest you make your girls talks more about interesting things and their fantasies. just like you did in that masturbation scene

but instead of just telling her fantasy you could combine it with the masturbation: where she assumes that her finger is the spit which is going inside or if she is trying to somehow find out how it would feel to be impaled on the spit.

Since this is not the end you probably could write next scene how girls try to explore that together as mockup cooking like pretending that lotion is cooking oil and use broom handle as spit. or whatever else that comes to your mind.
Maybe you also would not mind adding some fisting too ;)

also, you can add some small side stories where girls gossip about something, something is shown on tv, some randoms flyers on the walls and whatever other opportunities you have to add some extra erotic content.

Since I also got infected by Edwards enthusiastic meat girls, I will later write something similar that in my own story but you could do it too as a way to do everything without making girls die and allow them to show some more enthusiasm which we all like so much.


Finally, since you mentioned English as the nonnative language you could check Grammarly spelling checker plugin, which can make your writing a bit faster, but looks like you are already doing great.