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bloodlust
2019/08/12
(Mon)
17:38:47
No.
17429
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Good stuff. I particularly liked Returning Home and Tony and Liz. I love the idea of the nurse’s kind heart leading her to a terrible end, and the horrible betrayal Liz endured was a big turn on for me (I wish Tony had just let her die slowly, though). You come up with some cool concepts.
For a bit of constructive criticism, be careful with pronouns. “He” and “his” are masculine pronouns, and are used to refer to male characters. You used them frequently when talking about actions and thoughts pertaining to Liz, and in those cases it should have been “she” and “her”. This was particularly noticeable in the 2nd to the last paragraph of the story.
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17429
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Literature
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