>Is she half-Chinese by any chance? It's just a theory I've been working on. I've been drawing all over the walls, linking all the clues together so I can find you.

She isn't.

>Once I've figured it out, all I need to do is save up enough money for fuel, and then drive my steamroller across two continents.

Oh, I live on a continent now? I was under the impression I lived on an island.

>From your posts, I estimate that there's a 83% chance that when I arrive, you'll be tied up with ropes, and your friend won't really try very hard to save you.

Probably true.