First of all, damn, you managed to write three chapters in the time it took me to write a comment response.

>>20369

I don't really have any substantial criticisms of the first chapter. A couple of typos, but they're hardly noticeable. If you pressed I guess>>20377
I'd say there's room to expand on some of the background stuff, develop the scene a bit more, but that's unnecessary for the length of the story. The focal events are described in all the detail they need to be and the background is established appropriately.

>>20379

This was my request so I'm biased, but you totally nailed it. I don't think you really bit off more than you could chew - some characters were more prominent than others, but that's to be expected. They don't all need to same level of development, your attention was divided pretty well. The only thing I'd say is that Miranda was a major part of the story, so you could've probably spent more time in her head. We didn't really get to see what she was thinking in the same way we got to for Shepard, Tali, and to an extent Samara. But the action you included her in was super fucking hot, so it's not a major concern. On the other hand, highlights include: Tali animalistically humping Kasumi's pussy until she comes to an ugly, exhuasting orgasm; Miranda sloppily making out with Jack's dead asshole; Samara making out with Jack's corpse to steady it on Miranda's face; Shepard offhandedly mentioning that Miranda eats everyone's asses all the time; and the stunningly hot visual of Tali's blown-out head in her broken visor. Seriously, good fucking job on this.

>>20391

Another winner right here. I read the short version on HF plus the alternate non-con version with Miranda, and this one is definitely the best. Although I say that as someone who's not a fan of non-con or futa, so take it with a grain of salt. Tali wanting to be included in free-use sluttery, not even in a physically sexual way but as a toilet, is so fucking good. I think the extra-gross ending really added to it, not just because Tali swallowing someone else's vomit is hot, but because it really hammers home that she's literally dying from filth. She's swimming in enough toxic bodily waste to kill a normal human, let alone a Quarian. This is honestly just a great concept for a story, too.

That pregnancy idea is awesome and if you have the impulse you should definitely write it. It's certainly not the most extreme thing to get popular on here. I think once you hit Gurochan, you're past the point of getting judged for your stories.