I really like this! The story flows very nicely, and starting it off with some action captures the reader at once. That's what we're all here for after all.

I'm really looking forward to reading the reworked chapters and eventually the new ones. As you mentioned yourself, I think most of the chapters don't need much reworking at all, though you might want to edit them a little bit now that the future plot line is clearer.

The new chapter 1 is just about perfect in length, in my eyes. Long enough to get immersed, but short enough that it doesn't get boring, as long as it contains some gore or sex and not just exposition. But you balanced that really well in the old story so I'm not worried at all.

Glad you mentioned humor. It's a point that often gets overlooked in guro stories, but in your case the tongue-in-cheek writing style and the references to GuroChan and pop culture is what makes the story readable at all for me since it is so brutal. I've read some snuff stories that are useless as fap material because they are so dark, gruesome and too realistic. I don't want my thoughts to stray from the realm of fiction while I'm reading guro stories, because something like this happening to real people is just about the most un-fappable thing there is.

I do agree that you perhaps overdid the sarcasm and referencing in chapter 17, but don't feel bad about that - knowing where the boundary lies will make writing easier in the future. Sarcasm and irony is difficult to express in written text, especially with limited formatting options, so mistakes are inevitable. What makes a difference is if you learn from them or not. You clearly did.

Nice to see Emily on your list. Do you have any ideas for her character yet? If she isn't fleshed out I could make a 'character card' for her with a little suggested background info and such, but if you've made plans already I won't come in the way of those.

Keep up the excellent work! :)