>>13631

Glad you enjoyed the first chapter, Loke. In the old story nothing exciting happened until chapter 3, so I wanted to fix that but without losing tension too much.

I'm reminded of an old joke, where a writer is contacted by his publisher, who told him that he likes the story but there's not enough sex.

"But there's a sex scene right there on the first page!" the writer retorts.

"Yeah, but look how far down the page!"

So I liked the idea of the reader joining a sexy scene already in progress.

>I'm really looking forward to reading the
>reworked chapters and eventually the new ones.
>As you mentioned yourself, I think most of the
>chapters don't need much reworking at all,
>though you might want to edit them a little bit
>now that the future plot line is clearer.

It's mostly the first 3 chapters that I'm not really happy with. I think they're too linear and procedural or something -- describe the setting, then the protagonists, introduce the victims etc. I don't think I can totally fix that but hopefully I can make it flow a bit better and keep it interesting. It seems to me that it's often a balance between adding descriptive detail, and keeping it short and to the point. I've already been pretty ruthless in cutting out anything unnecessary to the plot. I mean, they live on a farm, so where's the dog lol?

>The new chapter 1 is just about perfect in length, in my eyes.

Good. I actually timed myself reading some stuff, and decided about 10-15 mins for a chapter seemed about right.

>Glad you mentioned humor...

I put in as much funnies as I can think of. You're right about some stuff being really dark, I've read some that is just chilling and depressing.

>I do agree that you perhaps overdid the sarcasm and referencing in chapter 17...

Yeah it sucked. I felt under pressure, and my mind wasn't in a good place. I ran out of gas. I had a flat tyre. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts.

>Nice to see Emily on your list. Do you have any
>ideas for her character yet? If she isn't
>fleshed out I could make a 'character card' for
>her with a little suggested background info and
>such, but if you've made plans already I won't
>come in the way of those.

I haven't planned anything at all for Emily yet. I was assuming she'd in the 2nd half of the story, but I'm thinking of adding a chapter or two in the first half. So feel free to add some background or detail for her character. That stuff really helps me come up with ideas, just like it did with Mikumiyu.

>Keep up the excellent work! :)

Currently editing chapter 2 :D